When Robbie Mateer died suddenly, his family and friends were left with many unanswered questions - 'Could I have done more? Why did he do it? What will we do without him?'
Those questions remain in the minds of his brother Joseph, 18 and cousin Caoimhe, 23, who have embarked on an awareness drive to give an insight into the aftermath of a loved one's suicide.They have worked on, despite their own grief, a comic that will be delivered to schools across the region.
Robbie was a popular young teen, from West Belfast, who loved football and music gigs. When he died in August 2019, the words 'as you were' took over social media. It was a phrase associated with Robbie, because of his love for Liam Gallagher.
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Belfast Live met with Robbie's family, who spoke about the unimaginable hurt felt when they learned of his death, and how they are dealing with that pain every day.
Joseph said: "Robbie was a great person and always tried to make people laugh. He would act weird, do weird faces and voices and just try to annoy you.
"My mum has been working with West Wellbeing and that is how the connection with Hope 4 Life NI began. We had a night to speak with them, and to talk it all out. To open up about the before and after of Robbie's death.
"That was good because up to that point, I didn't really have the moment to get it all out. I sat and we talked, and it felt good, to get it out. We never really spoke about it before and to be able to learn about the work that goes on within Uberheroes, I wanted to join that effort, to help others and to allow Robbie to help others too.
"Seeing the comic coming to actuality, it is strange because I didn't know how it would turn out, but it was better than we had imagined. It allows us to tell Robbie's story to others, and to help others.
"Experiencing grief through suicide is tough. You might never get over it, but you learn to live with it."
Uberheroes is a comic-based programme, created by the charity Hope 4 Life NI in 2016, to deliver early intervention and suicide prevention workshops for children and young people. The comics are used to deliver workshop sessions to local pupils across Northern Ireland, supporting over 7000 pupils in 2022 alone.
The upcoming issue focuses on the story of Robbie Mateer. The story is told from the perspective of his younger brother, two of his cousins, and four of his friends, addressing their grief and loss, the mental health issues they experienced, and their struggles to find support and practical help.
By telling Robbie’s story from the perspective of his close friends and family, the highly emotional issue of the comic ensures that Robbie has a legacy to help others not to resort to suicide as an option through our Uberheroes early intervention programme in schools.
Caoimhe described the pair's close bond from a young age, and the mischief they would get up to with other cousins. Those precious memories are something that she will hold on to forever, and share with her own children.
"We were so close," she said.
"He was my cousin but he was also one of my best friends. Growing up we were so close. We had the younger of us cousins absolutely tortured. We'd dress him up as a girl and lock him out of the caravan when we were younger.
"Robbie was just a genuinely nice fella and would do anything for anyone. He was an amazing person and I know everyone says [their loved ones] are one of a kind, but Robert just was.
"There'll never, ever be another him. He was amazing. If you were in a room, you knew when he entered. The atmosphere changed. His big smile would have lit up the room, and his dimples, he was just gorgeous, and had a gorgeous soul and we are so lucky to have had him.
"We wanted to be able to bring Robbie's comic into schools, and to make them think 'do we really want to do this'?
"The idea was to have something that young people would relate to. With Hope 4 Life NI, it was so hard to revisit what happened, but Dee & Nadia couldn’t have made the process any easier. When someone dies you are selfish, you don't think of anyone else grieving. So to hear that everyone else was feeling somewhat the same, we felt less alone.
"When I read to finished product, I cried. I didn't think it would be as good as what it was. It means a lot more to us because it is our story because he was our Robert.
"There is more to life. I think it is important for kids to realise, there is no after. There is no partying with the angels or forever young. Robert was 19 and he is never seeing any of this. He is gone.
"You aren't going to be there to console your friends, when they are crying over you. When your mummy can't function because she has lost her baby.
"We will never, ever be the same. It completely destroyed us."
CEO and Creative Programme Director, Dee Nixon said: "Using comics to tell the real stories of local young people’s experiences of mental ill-health has really resonated with local pupils aged 9 – 16 years across NI with age-appropriate comics and facilitated workshops.
"The lead character's journey, the villains represent those issues that negatively affect them and the Uberheroes represents those pillars of wellbeing that we all want our children to learn and use. It has been such an honour to meet Robbie’s family and friends, these young people have been so brave in sharing their experiences of losing Robbie, how his death impacted on all their lives, but through their open and honest friendship they have supported each other through the worst of time.
"And now want to help other young people across the country to help and support others to realise the finality of suicide, that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem and to know that there is a better solution available to them."
Please visit here for more information on Hope 4 Life NI and contact hello@hope4lifeni.org.uk for details on how to bring Uberheroes to your school or youth settings.
If you or someone you know is in distress and need support, call West Wellbeing Suicide Prevention call: 028 9062 4373 or email: info@westwellbeing.co.uk.
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