How did I get here? Thumping music spills on to the street, flash bulbs explode and there’s a line of better-dressed people snaking around the block behind me. With a rising sense of panic, I discreetly check my invitation. I thought I was attending a restaurant opening. Instead, I seem to have stumbled into the 96th annual Academy Awards – if it was being held this time of year, in Brisbane, Australia, and the stars weren’t out on the picket line.
I shuffle along the red carpet, give my name to a beefy security guard and stare stupidly into a bright ring light as a phalanx of photographers jostle, wave and bark orders. “Face me!” “Over here!” “Big smile!” “One more!”
