Are you sure it's the year of the tiger? It should be the year of the rat again. It's only a few weeks into the Chinese New Year and rats are everywhere.
I'm not prepared to call it a plague yet, but the critters are on the run.
After my well-documented battle with rodents last year, I've managed to avoid further ratty run-ins. But you can't get too cocky with these wily characters.
They haunt you.
But more about that later.
In this election year, it's fair to say that some politicians, especially in the federal sphere, are completely captain rats.
While every regular Joe and Josephine has been scrambling to find RATs (rapid antigen tests) in the suburbs, there appears to be plenty of rats in the capital ranks.
Take Barnaby Joyce. Fresh from suggesting that the minister who appeared to be slagging off the Prime Minister should come clean, Joyce was pinged in a text scandal that showed him to be, ahem, slagging off the PM. But did the rascally rat leave the listing Coalition ship? He offered, but the captain refused to let him walk the plank.
No doubt Joyce has been banished to his cabin with some artisan cheese, sourdough and a carafe of sparkling water to think about his actions.
Joyce has a knack of stuffing up, then bouncing back big-time. So I reckon he'll be back on deck soon scanning the horizon for Captain Sparrow and his biohazard terriers.
But I don't think the Member for New England could give a rat's about rough seas. He seems Teflon-coated. Unlike me, especially when it comes to rat encounters.
Following my new year's resolution to be a more responsible adult and get my car serviced, I booked it in with a mechanic. Feeling smug, I dropped off my car.
It was going to take an hour or so.
No problem.
I went for a walk (another resolution).
Adulting isn't that hard, I noted.
When I wandered back, sweatier than I'd like to admit, I was confronted by two grinning mechanics. It was unsettling.
"Umm, Deb, are you missing a rat?" one chuckled.
"I have no idea why you would ask that, but I did have a nasty eviction episode with rodents a few months ago," I offered.
"Well, one didn't leave entirely. It crawled into your car engine and carked it," the other said.
The horror continued.
"Yeah, we put the car up on the hoist and a rat's body fell out."
It got worse.
"Then its head fell out."
I almost fainted.
While the pair cracked a few ribs laughing, I remained horrified, until one said: "I picked up the head and body, walked over to the young bloke, and asked him if he could put your rat back together."
In a weird laugh-cry voice, I apologised for the horror scene.
"No worries," the mechanic said.
"It's heaps worse when snakes fall out."
I was out of there like a rat up a drainpipe.
deborah.richards@newcastleherald.com.au
