The 2023 NFL season is just a few months away, where the Kansas City Chiefs and Detroit Lions will kick things off Sept. 7. But before the new season kicks off, let’s take a look at the best quarterbacks heading into 2023.
I know, another quarterback list. I can already hear you being angry about where I ranked this guy or that guy, and telling me I don’t know anything about football on the ole’ bird app that we all love.
If it helps, though, I made each entry a little fun, so let’s get to it.
Note: This list doesn’t include rookies
32
Teddy Bridgewater, free agent
Teddy is a steady hand that can come in and keep a team rolling along if the starter goes down. He’s not starting-caliber anymore, but it’s always nice to see him.
31
Mitch Trubisky, Steelers
Last year with the Steelers, Trubisky was the equivalent of Ralphie from A Christmas Story when he “helped” his father change the flat tire. He held the bolts while Pittsburgh’s defense swapped tires. Then the bolts flew in the air and the Steelers turned to Kenny Pickett. Oh fudge.
30
Sam Darnold, 49ers
He’s going to throw for 400 yards against the Cardinals and start a playoff game, isn’t he?
29
Mac Jones, Patriots
I truthfully don’t care that Bill O’Brien is in New England. Jones’ ceiling is making a couple solid throws a game, before following it up with a two interception performance in which he “accidentally” kicks an opposing player in the ding-ding.
28
Baker Mayfield, Buccaneers
Ah, Baker Mayfield. The answer to the question “What if a beer bong had a face?” Look, we know what Baker is at this point. There’s no more potential to unlock, there’s no need for any think pieces on if we have seen the best of Mayfield – we have, he’s not good.
27
Gardner Minshew, Colts
This walking pack of Marlboro Reds is the perfect fit for the Colts. If they want to be patient with Anthony Richardson, Minshew knows Shane Steichen’s system. If Richardson goes down, they have a capable backup.
26
Jacoby Brissett, Commanders
Brissett is a grown up that will provide competition for Sam Howell in camp.
25
Andy Dalton, Panthers
The phrases “Andy Dalton” and “bridge quarterback” are now synonymous. He’s a steady hand, a respected veteran, and a good mentor for Bryce Young.
24
Kenny Pickett, Steelers
He shotgunned a beer on stage with Luke Combs, so he’s alright in my book. The potential is there for Pickett to take a step forward in 2023, especially with all the talent around him.
23
Russell Wilson, Broncos
The only thing Sean Payton is going to let Russ cook is TV dinners. Denver is going to run the hell out of the football.
22
Ryan Tannehill, Titans
Tannehill is going to get thrown around like the word “Bruv” in a British pub until Will Levis is named the starter.
21
Brock Purdy, 49ers
Brock Purdy in 2022 was like someone who is really good at video games controlling a low-overall player and making them look much better than they truly are.
20
Deshaun Watson, Browns
Moving on.
19
Daniel Jones, Giants
It’s incredible how low the expectations were for Daniel Jones from the Giants. They basically gave him $40 million a year for not turning the ball over and being violently average.
18
Jimmy Garoppolo, Raiders
I give it six weeks until Davante Adams hates Handsome James.
17
Justin Fields, Bears
Fields is as swift as a coursing river, and has all the force of a great typhoon. If he takes a leap as a passer, the Bears will play with the strength of a raging fire and contend in an NFC that is mysterious as the dark side of the moon.
16
Jared Goff, Lions
Goff isn’t a master chef that can make a five-star meal out of a ceiling fan and raisins that expired in 2016 like the people you see on Chopped. However, if all the ingredients are provided for him and he is given a recipe, he can cook up something good.
15
Tua Tagovailoa, Dolphins
Tua is a good supporting actor, but no one is watching a movie with him as the star. You give him Tyreek Hill and Jaylen Waddle, though, and let their playmaking run the show, then he’s fine.
14
Kyler Murray, Cardinals
Kyler Murray being in Arizona is like watching an Aston Martin be driven by someone who’s asleep at the wheel. Yeah, it’s a nice car, but good God almighty it should be in the hands of a more reliable driver.
13
Geno Smith, Seahawks
You know when someone keeps telling you to watch a show and you keep putting it off? But then you finish the show you like, so, with an audible sigh you say “fine” and watch the show? Only to find out that the show is actually pretty good and you feel bad for not giving it a chance sooner? That’s Geno Smith.
12
Derek Carr, Saints
Derek Carr is actually one of those aforementioned ceiling fan and raisin chefs. The guy gave the Raiders the only sense of relevance they’ve had in the last two decades, and how did they reward him? By making him Josh McDaniels’ scapegoat. Viva Las Vegas.
11
Matthew Stafford, Rams
Is his arm okay? Or is he running out there with an elbow of silly string and a pocketful of sunshine? Regardless, the Rams’ roster looks like they posted job openings on LinkedIn and under the experience tab, they labeled it as “Entry-Level.”
10
Kirk Cousins, Vikings
Cousins is what would happen if Danny Tanner played quarterback (RIP Bob Saget). He also has the fourth-most touchdown passes since 2017 and is going to look great in a 49ers uniform in 2024.
9
Dak Prescott, Cowboys
Dak Prescott is just in a tough situation. An over-the-hill Emperor Palpatine is his team owner, and his head coach is the walking embodiment of the Peter Griffin meme where he is dressed as a coach while using a Burger King menu as a play sheet. Dak is talented, but the clock for him in Dallas feels like it’s beginning to tick.
8
Aaron Rodgers, Jets
The Sultan of Psychedelics don new threads in 2023, and add to an already crowded room of quarterback talent in the AFC.
7
Lamar Jackson, Ravens
It says a lot about the lack of weapons Lamar’s had in Baltimore when Ravens fans acted as if the Odell Beckham they signed is the Odell Beckham from 2014. Will this finally be the year that Lamar Jackson gets the Ravens to the AFC Championship Game? It’ll be a tough mountain to climb.
6
Jalen Hurts, Eagles
If there is one word to describe Jalen Hurts, it’s resilient. The guy never counts himself out of a fight because he knows he can run and throw his way back into just about any game.
5
Trevor Lawrence, Jaguars
With the addition of Calvin Ridley to go along with Christian Kirk and Travis Etienne on offense, Goldilocks and the Three Jags could be a fun sleeper pick to be the top seed in the AFC.
4
Justin Herbert, Chargers
Pairing Herbert with Kellen Moore is like pairing Jesus with Zeus. These two will make lovely music together.
3
Joe Burrow, Bengals
At the time of writing this, your girlfriend is actively looking at a picture of Burrow in a headband right now and she will be dreaming about him tonight while she sleeps next to you.
2
Josh Allen, Bills
Every time Josh Allen throws a perfect deep ball, it should be replayed in slow motion while “Like A Prayer” by Madonna plays in the background.
1
Patrick Mahomes, Chiefs
William Regal called Bryan Danielson the perfect wrestler – Patrick Mahomes is the perfect quarterback.
