According to the Guinness World Record’s official website, 351.7cm was the length of the asparagus presented by Harry and Carson Willemse at the Port Elgin Pumpkinfest in Ontario, Canada, on 2 October 2004. Sadly, however, the Pumpkinfest’s own archives hold only the records of master growers and weigh-offs dating back to 2017, and are almost entirely pumpkin-related. Gardening websites and Pinterest, however, offer more insight into how asparagus, left unpicked, quite quickly reaches 6ft and develops branches and soft, feathery foliage. I assume Harry and Carson must have pulled away the ferns in order for their spears to grow to 3½m, which is a metre more than the average UK ceiling and almost the same length as a Mini Cooper, and the equivalent of 16-20 average-length spears laid across the kitchen floor.
Those average-length spears, however, are as much a sign of spring as blossom and barometric pressure-change lethargy (my tortoise and I are diametrically opposed for about 10 days every spring: him coming out of hibernation, me wishing I could enter it). Despite myself, we have been enjoying asparagus: boiled and covered with melted butter; rolled in salt and pepper, roasted on the griddle, then dressed with bitter orange; and turned into soup.
