A masked bandit terrorized an Ashland ABC store over the weekend, smashing multiple bottles of bourbon before passing out drunk on the bathroom floor.
Why it matters: The intoxicated suspect was a raccoon.
The big picture: An officer with Hanover County Animal Protection found the ransacker splooted out next to the toilet on Saturday morning, according to the agency's Facebook post.
- The officer then transported the trash panda — likely still too inebriated to plot an escape — to the shelter "to sober up before questioning," per the post.
What they're saying: "After a few hours of sleep and zero signs of injury (other than maybe a hangover and poor life choices), he was safely released back to the wild," the post read.
Zoom in: It's unclear at this time whether officers read the raccoon his Miranda rights, how much he owes in damages, and if he's facing any drunk-in-public or breaking-and-entering charges.
- And there's no video footage of the incident because the raccoon, which county officials named "Rocky," came in "through the ceiling" and "took the cameras down with him," county staff said.
- But the Hanover County Sheriff's Office did respond to the post with a GIF of celebrity Simon Cowell clapping.
What we're watching: Whether the bandit will strike again on one of ABC's biggest nights of the year: New Year's Eve.
