A psychiatrist reveals the underlying reasons people are always late - and they're a lot more personal than you might first think.
Everyone's going to be late sometimes, even if they do religiously follow all the experts tips to help families leave the house on time. Whether you've slept in, stayed late at work, or just didn't realise the time, lateness is something we've all experienced.
But what about those people - and perhaps you're one of them - who are late all the time? Well, according to an expert, it might say a lot more about them than just the fact they're bad at time-keeping.
Writing in Psychology Today, Neel Burton, M.D, reveals, "Being late insults others, but it also undermines the person who is late, because it may betray a lack of intelligence, planning, self-knowledge, willpower, or empathy."
It might seem a bit harsh when laid out in black and white on the page, but when he delves into it, Burton's explanations make a lot of sense.
To get it clear, he's not talking about people who are five minutes late here and there. "To be five minutes late is not really to be late. Late is when people start getting annoyed," he says.
One thing being late might say about you, he says, is that you're passive aggressive and are taking out anger on someone by leaving them waiting around for you with no explanation. "Passive-aggressive behaviour is a means of expressing aggression covertly, and so without incurring the full emotional and social costs of more overt aggression," Burton says. "It does, however, prevent the underlying issue or issues from being identified and resolved, and can lead to a great deal of upset and resentment in the person or people on its receiving end."
Another reason Burton shares is, "Sometimes, being late is your unconscious telling you that you don’t want to be there, or that it would be better for you not to be there." In that case, maybe re-evaluate the friendship.
Ongoing lateness could also suggest that you feel ' inferior or unimportant' to those you are late to meet. Burton calls this 'self-deception.' He explains that as being late is often seen to send out the message, “'My time is more valuable than yours', that is, 'I am more important than you', and perhaps even, 'I am doing you a favour by turning up at all'," he says, a person may think that their lateness will convey that they are more busy and thus more important than they truly feel.
He explains one tell-tale sign that self-deception is to blame for lateness and it's all to do with a person's behaviour when they do turn up. He explains, "Being late is a way for him to impose himself on a situation, attract maximal attention, and even take control of proceedings. You may have noticed that some people in the habit of being late are also in the habit of making a scene out of it: apologising profusely, introducing themselves to everyone in turn, moving furniture around, asking for a clean glass, and so on."
So what can you do to curb your ongoing lateness, whatever its root cause? Dr Burton recommends, "Whenever you are late, you can learn a great deal simply by asking yourself, 'Why exactly am I late?' Even if it is ‘only’ because you are too busy, why are you too busy?"
Only the individual can find the answer and it may take some soul-searching to figure it out. But it'll be worth it, not only for you, but the friends who are left waiting around whenever you have plans.
In other family news, new research has shared why you can be ‘just like your mum’ while a happiness expert has revealed 5 mood-boosting steps even busy mums can fit into every day. Plus, can noticing 'glimmers' help with stress of parenting? Yes, according to science.
