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Princess Kate's brother James Middleton is opening up about his past mental health struggles, and crediting his former dog, Ella, with saving his life.
In an excerpt of his new book Meet Ella: The Dog Who Saved My Life, recently published in the Daily Mail, Middleton discussed a period in his life when he suffered from a deep depression and, at one point, experienced suicidal ideation. At what was arguably one of his lowest moments, he says Ella was there and ended up being the reason he decided to hang on and continue living.
"I glance down the ladder again. Ella has not moved. Her brown eyes are still staring intently at me, soulful and pleading, and as my gaze locks on hers again, my brain quiets. In that instant, I know I will not jump," Kate Middleton's brother writes. "What would happen to Ella if I died? How long would she wait alone in the flat for someone to find her?
"I have loved her with every bit of my being since she was a tiny, sightless newborn pup. She has been my companion, my hope, my support through my darkest days. She has loved me unconditionally, faithfully," h continues in the book. "At night, when sleep eludes me, she is there on the bed beside me, willing me through the bleak pre-dawn hours. Even when I have not felt the labour of living is worth the effort, I take her for walks and feed her. She gives me purpose, a reason to be. How can I contemplate leaving her now? What would she do without me?"
Middleton went on to say that in that moment, thanks to his dog's endless devotion, "reality intruded" and he decided not to end his life.
"I haul myself back from the brink, slowly climb down the ladder and stroke Ella's silky head," he continues in the excerpt. "She is the reason I do not take that fatal leap. She is Ella, the dog who saved my life."
Middleton has been incredibly candid about his past mental health issues, describing that period of his life as a time when he felt "misunderstood; a complete failure."
"I wouldn’t wish the sense of worthlessness and desperation, the isolation and loneliness, on my worst enemy. I think I’m going crazy," he continued.
In addition to praising his pup for saving his life, Middleton also credited his sister, Kate Middleton, and his brother-in-law, Prince William, for understanding what he was going through—a byproduct, Middleton writes, of their mental health advocacy.
"I am grateful to Catherine and William, whose work in the field of mental health has given them valuable knowledge and understanding," Middleton writes. "My parents rely on them, and Pippa, to try to breach the impenetrable wall of my silence. Sometimes they do break through. My sisters gently cajole me out of the flat now and again."
While promoting his book, Middleton is also opening up about a long-term goal of his—to make therapy dogs more accessible via an actual prescription from health care providers.
"An ambition [of mine] is to get dogs to be on a prescription from doctors, because I think there is an undeniable amount of things that dogs can do for us," the author told People in an exclusive interview. "We have a lot to learn from dogs, which is that they live every day as today. They're not thinking about yesterday. They’re not annoyed about yesterday or worrying about the future. They're living in the moment. If we all focus on that a little bit more then I think we will be happier.”
