Steph Wild opened the boot of her car and gently placed her shopping bags inside. She couldn’t wait to hang her new baby clothes up in the nursery at home.
The midwife was driving home from the Trafford Centre when her phone started to ring. Recognising the number as the hospital, Steph and her partner pulled over to the side of the road.
That’s when they were given the news. Steph’s unborn daughter Bea had been diagnosed with a rare brain condition in the womb. The condition meant she would never be able to speak, walk or eat and her sight would also be affected.
READ MORE: Join the FREE Manchester Evening News WhatsApp community
Aside from morning sickness, Steph’s pregnancy appeared to be going well until the 23 week mark. Suddenly, she found herself living every parent’s worst nightmare.
“Because my partner was a doctor and I’m a midwife, we both knew it was quite severe. He burst into tears and I had to drive us home,” the 29-year-old, from Oldham, said.
“We’d just moved into a new home and were picking out new furniture. We had a nursery all set up.
“But she wouldn’t have had a normal life. She would have been a very unwell child with regular seizures and there was a possibility she never would have been able to speak, walk or even eat.
“As two health professionals, we would never wish that for anyone, least of all for our own daughter. It was absolutely horrific, but we wanted to do the best thing by her.”
Steph made the harrowing decision to end her pregnancy and had a compassionate induction to start her labour in hospital.
She says Bea’s passing, in November 2017, took a huge toll on her, her partner at the time and both of their families.
Steph had been focusing on bereavement support while training as a midwife before losing her daughter – never imagining she would experience it herself.
As she navigated her way through the devastating process, she believed there were gaps in the care she received.
“I had pretty good bereavement care,” she added. “But when getting the diagnosis the doctor wasn’t the kindest. I thought something needs to change.
“It was never explained what would happen next and there were things that should have been communicated that weren’t and we were just trying to work out what to do next.
“It’s one thing giving the care, but being on the other end, that’s totally changed my perspective. I just thought there are massive gaps we’re not addressing. You don’t truly know until you’ve been there.”
Steph found waiting around in between procedures one of the hardest parts of her experience, leaving her feeling like she was in limbo.
Her tragic experience prompted her to set up Stockport-based charity Beyond Bea in 2018, raising awareness of baby loss and educating health care professionals on how to help parents going through the unimaginable.
The charity provides free training days for universities, other charities and NHS staff as well as guidance for families going through similar experiences to her own.
The guides include suggestions of things to do to pass the time between procedures, what to pack for hospital trips as well as what to expect and other information.
“A lot of parents want to talk about their babies, it’s quite touching,” Steph added. “Parents go from being quite shy to talking with confidence and they can do that in the baby’s memory. It’s amazing to see.”
The charity is now appealing for baby vest donations to support a unique project.
The project aim is to create a visual representation of the number of babies who die in stillbirth, late miscarriage and neonatal death each year.
Each baby that died will be represented by a vest laid out at a local football stadium, which will then be photographed and filmed.
Beyond Bea has already successfully sourced many baby vests through generous donations, often from its supporters whose own baby has died. However, the charity is still nearly 1,000 vests short of the target.
The charity is reaching out to its local community to see if anyone has any unused or outgrown baby vests they’d be willing to donate, or if local shops or manufacturers have any spares or unwanted samples.
The vests can be any colour or patterned but must have short sleeves and be from new-born to three months in size. Vests can be posted or dropped off at the charity until the end of May 2023.
Steph added: “The impact of the death of a baby goes far further than just the parents. It extends to family, friends and wider society.
“It also encompasses the professionals responsible for caring for these families, a hugely challenging task which is often undertaken with little or no training, limited resources and minimal support.
“The loss of my own daughter, Bea, when I was 23 weeks pregnant, alongside my clinical experience as a midwife, drives me to do all I can to make a difference to families going through any kind of baby loss be that miscarriage, stillbirth, termination of pregnancy/compassionate induction and neonatal death.
“I don’t get to go to school sports days or watch my daughter in a nativity play. I instead get to ‘parent’ through sharing her memory, saying her name, and allowing others to learn from Beyond Bea’s bereavement training.
“I’m passionate about Beyond Bea’s Baby Vest Project – I believe a visual representation of the number of babies who are lost each year will help create a powerful tool for raising awareness and training.
“I thank everyone that has already supported the charity and ask everyone reading this to check if you have some outgrown baby vests that you no longer need. The vests do not need to be in perfect condition, used and worn vests are absolutely fine.
“After filming the vests won’t be destroyed – we plan to sell them on our second hand online shop to help fund the development of our bereavement care training.”
Baby vests can be sent to: Beyond Bea Charity, FAO Mary, Unit 3 Jones Court, Jones Square, Stockport, SK1 4LJ.
READ NEXT:
- 'I feed my family on dandelions, tree leaves and nettles - but I've got to watch out for dog wee'
- Couple reveal their secret to only taking the bins out once a year
- 'I've not been able to go into my garden for years': Entire Greater Manchester street plagued by 'horrendous nightmare'
- Woman set to demolish luxury lodge in her garden after it's deemed 'second home'
- Mum's 20 week scan warning after condition that made baby's heart stop found
