ARRIVAL
Contrary to speculation – and very lonely teenage years – Football Daily has produced many children. We therefore know how completely and utterly tedious the early days of a newborn can be. All they do is sleep and produce very weird excrement while you wonder if the whole buildup to the big event has been worth it – very much like being an England fan.
Phil Foden has been here before - this is his third child - so the excitement levels must be similar to watching 90 minutes of England v Slovenia. He jetted off for 24 hours of paternity leave back in the UK before returning to Germany for his national duty of being played out of position against Slovakia on Sunday while the latest edition to his family naps through the whole process in a Three Lions sleep suit, sparing them the pain of the actual performance.
Changing nappies and not having much sleep would be light relief compared to cutting in off the left to find no movement in the vicinity but Foden is compelled to serve squad godfather Gareth Southgate. The Manchester City midfielder should be having a word with his union after a whistle-stop tour to the north-west to do a meet-and-greet with the latest member of his clan. He should be permitted a minimum of a statutory two weeks paternity leave, so whoever has negotiated this deal with the Football Association has not done their job properly. He will miss out on those precious moments of sticking his latest “little Phil” in the corner of the room and checking on them every half an hour or so to make sure they are oblivious to the world.
Coming into the Foden family is a highly-pressurised environment for any baby. Not only is dad one of the best footballers in the world with a plethora of team and individual honours but first-born Ronnie Foden already has four million instagram followers, putting your child to shame. Call yourself a parent when you can’t even get a five-year-old’s social media bandwagon up to six figures? Honestly. It looks unlikely their arrival will be overshadowed by the addition of a European Championship medal on the mantelpiece but if it is, maybe they will get another sibling nine months on from 14 July.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“Just a few grazes and scratches. It was funny. I was coming down on my bike, I saw him and thought: ‘What’s happened there?’ I saw the graze on his chin and his nose and I burst out laughing. Some players were out in front and as I was coming down the hill, I saw Ant and he was lying there with his face bloodied, hands and chin. At least he wore his helmet” – after Anthony Gordon’s prang, Ezri Konsa sees the funny side of an incident that left the fleet-footed winger with an almighty graze on his chin, a bashed knee and damaged hand and may cause “turbo” bikes to banned by the England. Konsa also placed a hostage to fortune in suggesting a bike-related celebration if England ever score a goal again.
EURO 2024 DAILY LETTERS
Re: football at festivals (yesterday’s Euro 2024 Daily letters). At Isle of Wight in 2004, a band pulled out so England v France went on the big screen. That didn’t end well and the screen darkened at full-time. Soon after, headliner David Bowie came on and, in reference to David Beckham’s missed penalty, said: ‘I’m not the only famous person with the initials DB in England, you know … But I’m the only one who’ll wake up with his balls intact tomorrow’” – Marionette.
May I jump on the doggie bandwagon started by ‘Tottenham Hotspaw’ (yesterday’s Euro 2024 Daily, full email edition). I guess they will have a right old time playing Leads United, Queen’s Bark Rangers and Milton Keynes Dogs. And one of them will just have to be managed by Kenny Dogleash” – Gerry Rickard.
Can we send Tottenham Hotspaw through the doggie door marked Do One?” – JJ Zucal.
Send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s prizeless letter o’ the day winner is … JJ Zucal. Terms and conditions for our competitions can be viewed here.
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