I live in a country where same-sex marriage is not yet legal (though I suppose it’s just a matter of time). And whenever one of my acquaintances asks why it’s even necessary to legalize it, I give a hypothetical situation. Two gay men have lived together for many years and have joint property – but if one of them passes away, his long-term partner will have no legal right to inherit anything.
Usually, that’s where the objections end. But today we’ll share a real story that’s exactly like the one I usually tell. And the user u/DearFerret9268, its author, just happened to fall victim to the legal restrictions in his home country.
More info: Reddit
The author of the post recently lost his longtime boyfriend to cancer
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
The man lives in a country where same sex marriages aren’t legal, so his boyfriend ‘sold’ his house to him before passing away
Image credits: u/DearFerret9268
Image credits: Tima Miroshnichenko (not the actual photo)
However, after the funeral, the boyfriend’s relatives approached him and nearly demanded the keys
Image credits: u/DearFerret9268
Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual photo)
The main problem was that these very people literally kicked their son out at the age of 17 for being gay – and cut all ties with him
Image credits: u/DearFerret9268
The author decided not to give them the house – especially since he had been paying mortgage for it for the last 4 years
So, the Original Poster (OP) is 33 years old, he lives in a country in Central America where public attitudes toward LGBTQ+ are rather positive, but same sex marriage is still not legal. His boyfriend was 30 – and he recently passed away due to bone cancer. And to the pain of loss, another problem was added…
The thing is that the author and his partner studied together in high school, and when the guy was 17, he came out as gay. But his traditional family, in response, abandoned him. In turn, the OP’s parents always supported the couple. Both emotionally and financially. And then the partners themselves began to earn decent money.
The author worked in HR, and his partner worked in IT – and this allowed them to not constrain themselves in money. They lived in an apartment that belonged to the original poster, but the partner still dreamed of sooner or later mending fences with his relatives. Most likely, this is exactly why he bought the house.
Yes, the man’s parents always lived in a rented apartment, and he hoped that by giving them a house, he could change their attitude towards him and make them acknowledge him as gay. However, when he was given a terminal diagnosis four years ago, most of his income went to treatment. Then the OP took on the mortgage payments – and shortly before his death, the partner officially sold the house to him.
And so, some time after the funeral, the relatives of the deceased got in touch with the OP, asking when he could hand over the keys to the house. Our hero was surprised – after all, the house was officially listed as his property. Then he was told that his boyfriend “would have wanted to give them the house.”
And since this was true – the OP would not be against giving the house to the parents of his late spouse… but what about the money that he had already invested in the mortgage over these four years? Moreover, there was still an amount left to pay for the house.
The author said that he could give the house for the price he paid his boyfriend if they returned the money for these four years to him, and took on the remaining payments. But his opponents were not wealthy people, so the only thing they were willing to do was to take debt over their name. Nothing more. The OP thought about it – and refused.
The result was a real scandal, and the author got labeled selfish and mercantile. Moreover, he was threatened with a lawsuit over the house – but here the OP is nearly sure that this will not work. In general, he doesn’t need this house at all – but it’s a pity for the money that he has already invested in it.
Some friends tell him “to give them the house and move on with his life,” but the man doesn’t think that this would be right. Especially considering how these relatives have treated his boyfriend for many years…
Image credits: Noelle Otto (not the actual photo)
“Unfortunately, stories like this happen very often. Because people sacrifice a relationship with loved ones for the sake of their beliefs – but they are not at all against accepting an inheritance from ‘sinners,’” says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, whom Bored Panda asked for a comment here.
“And, to be honest, I don’t know what looks more ugly – to kick a seventeen-year-old boy out of the house because of your own beliefs – or to demonstrate with your whole appearance and words after his passing away that the only thing you are interested in him is actually his belongings.”
“However, the very passing of the boyfriend actually ‘unties’ this man’s hands in relation to his relatives. After all, he does not owe these people anything, unlike the partner, who fruitlessly dreamed of reconciling with his family all his life. And such a refusal will definitely not be an insult to the memory of the deceased,” Irina states.
People in the comments are also convinced that the author shouldn’t make any concessions to people who for many years didn’t want to have anything to do with his partner. And with himself too. “BF tried to make amends several times. He was blown off each time. Now that there are no amends to be made, they try to profit of his death. It’s glaringly obvious. Now suddenly they care. Great for them,” one responder reasonably wrote. “Do not give them the house.”
However, some commenters are still sincerely trying to offer the author some “workarounds” to pay tribute to the memory of his late partner. “Tell them to publicly acknowledge him as gay and state how proud they were of him and how much they loved him, and you’ll consider it,” another person suggested. Well, the OP promised to think about this idea. And what do you, our dear readers, think about this story in a whole?
Most people in the comments supported the man in his decision, claiming that his boyfriend’s relatives were probably trying to crook him
