When replying to a friend’s WhatsApp message feels like another admin chore… it could be burnout. Psychotherapist Anna Mathur shares the hidden signs of burnout - because they're not always so noticeable - and what you can do about it.
Many aspects of parenting can contribute to burnout, such as navigating matrescence (the change your mind and body go through when you become a mother) or becoming the default parent and having to organise and remember everything - including how to explain the mental load to your partner. Be honest, how often have you brushed off feeling frazzled because… well, it’s motherhood, right? How often have you kept going because that’s 'just what parents do’? But, when life's demands aren’t balanced with periods of refuelling, that's when burnout strikes. As a Psychotherapist, I talk to burnt-out mums a lot, and I want to challenge the notion that motherhood equates to feeling like the worst, most sensitive, snappy version of yourself. While it might be common, it doesn't mean it's normal.
Here's my burnout story. One morning, while in sole charge of my three children, out of rage, I smashed a melamine plate against the floor. Hot shame and tears followed (theirs and mine) as I scrabbled to fix the collateral damage of the plate: my children’s shattered sense of safety. Instead of letting that shame drown me, as it so easily could have, I recognised this destructive outburst as a symptom of burnout and a red flag that said I needed to seek support and rest as soon as possible. Like many others, I experienced burnout, which meant my desire to socialise and my ability to experience joy was low. Even my children's happy play felt stressful. This burnout came post-pandemic when the need to keep on keeping on left many of us wondering why we had become so angry and triggered.
My own experience of burnout gave me a deep respect for the limits of my resources. It fuelled my passion for helping parents recognise certain behaviours as overwhelming and burnout rather than a new character flaw. It takes a good while to recover from burnout. The autonomic nervous system (the major neural pathway activated by stress) needs to be given a chance to become more resilient to the general noise and chaos of family life by pulling back on busyness and demands where you can.
