Heroin chic never truly left — but now it’s back with a vengeance I haven’t seen in years. Why now? It feels like an insult to the past decade of progress on size inclusivity in the fashion industry. There’s also the influence of powerful new drugs, but more on that later.
One might think that the business has changed dramatically. From my perspective as a model, though, it’s the same. Fashion week is still an absolute nightmare for me and my friends in the industry — especially when it comes to the measuring tapes. I’ve been thin most of my life but when it comes to modelling I’ve never felt like I was enough, despite having the perfect measurements.
I grew up in a culture that praises and celebrates women with curves and big butts — an amazing body type in itself — and being skinny wasn’t something that was celebrated.
I worked at McDonald’s for years trying to gain weight because I was so thin. I was bullied — at home as well as at school — and called all kinds of names. There were even times when I would miss school so I didn’t get bullied.
My mom took me to all different kinds of doctors to try and find a way for me to gain some weight. Nothing helped. Not overeating, not eating fast food, not even birth control. Nothing. I have tried it all. But even though I am in a society which celebrates me as I am, I’ve had my fair share of eating disorders and extreme body dysmorphia. For the longest time I thought I was the only one but most models go through it. Thirty-four inches on the hips is the ideal size and that is the size most models struggle with. Some models go days without eating. If they do eat it’s just one meal a day to keep the weight off.
Fashion month’s dark side
For this, and many other reasons, modelling is simply not as glamorous as it seems from the outside. You must have tough skin to stay in this industry. That’s why when young girls ask me to help them find an agency I tell them: “No, it’s not a place you want to be.” I personally think people should start modelling only once they are in their early twenties. By that point you know yourself and know what you want out of it.
Fashion month, which has just finished, is not actually for anyone in the industry. Designers, models, agents and casting directors are all burnt out by the end of the season. It’s mentally and physically exhausting. When I first started modelling I used to love it. Then it started to consume me. My mental health is at its worst during this month, what with the constant rejections and feeling inadequate. The little voice in my head says: “They rejected you because you’re not skinny enough — or unique enough.” You go to 10 to 15 castings a day and still don’t get booked. Or you go to a fitting until 4am just to get cancelled the day of the show. Some models get so depressed that they see no way out but to do the unthinkable.
Despite all of this, I am grateful to have been in the fashion industry for almost a decade. I have seen the changes: black models having their moment, the plus-size queens having theirs, trans women and men having theirs in turn. It’s definitely easier to get into the modelling industry these days because there are so many different markets. And yet, I still encounter racism. I’ve been requested for castings just to be told, “We have enough black models, agencies need to stop sending you guys.” It’s beyond belief. But don’t get me wrong — I’ve also been lucky enough to have worked with some of the most amazing people and some top brands. I’m talking Vivienne Westwood, Alexander Wang, Rick Owens, Richard Quinn, David Koma, Philipp Plein, Elie Saab, Thom Browne, Area, Steve Madden, Fenty and more. They’ve given me amazing opportunities to be able to take care of my ill mother. Just like any other career path, modelling isn’t perfect but it does give people endless opportunities to travel the world and be able to provide for themselves and their loved ones. It’s one of the few industries that you don’t need qualifications for and one in which you can make a good living — if you’re one of the lucky ones to have wonderful clients who keep booking you.
A consuming obsession
It’s thanks to casting directors, designers and stylists like Ib Kamara, Christian Siriano, Donatella Versace and so many others that this has happened. They make everyone feel included in the best way possible.
Even so, that doesn’t change the fact that there is still an ideal size for models, and that ideal size is deeply problematic. Drugs like Ozempic have made it so much easier to achieve it, but no one talks about the side effects of using them. Your favourite celebrities may be openly talking about using it and how great it is. Losing up to 20 pounds a month — it doesn’t get any better than that. The part people don’t often talk about? Is that it’s never enough. You think to yourself, “Three, five, or even 10 more pounds off and I’ll be perfect.” It’s a mental illness and if you let it consume you long enough it can take your life. People shouldn’t idolise those they see online because you don’t know what they’re dealing with behind closed doors.
The endless trends on social media make it worse. A person can never be perfect — and we cannot change ourselves to fit the latest trend. Brazilian butt lifts and big lips were the “must have” just a couple of years ago. Now being skinny with natural make-up and less filler is the must-have look.
The beauty standards of the world change all the time and it is up to us to continue on this journey or stop it. I took a decision to give up trying to fit in a long time ago, partly because
I have struggled with body image issues throughout my career — partly because I have a shaved head. Ultimately, I am now at a point myself where I have said “f*** it”. I no longer give a damn what anyone thinks of me. I am far from being “society’s” beauty standard, but I am my “own” beauty standard. The best thing you can do is stay true to yourself and stop chasing these beauty trends. It’s a marathon — and one that will never end.
