It is a charge commonly directed at left-of-centre parties that they want to make everything one of three things: free, illegal or mandatory. But unlike Homer Simpson, the UK government does not intend to stand here and watch you smoke every one of those cigarettes to teach you a lesson.
Instead, leaked plans suggest that ministers are considering banning smoking in some outdoor spaces in a bid to improve public health. These could include beer gardens, outside football stadiums and small parks. On a visit to Paris, where he met with French president Emmanuel Macron, Keir Starmer confirmed this was indeed under consideration.
Smoking has of course been banned inside pubs, restaurants and most workplaces since 2007. But the habit still costs the National Health Service an estimated £2.6 billion per year and in 2019 there were estimated to be 74,600 deaths attributable to it.
Smoking has seen consistent declines over the last 50 years. In 2022, 13 per cent of people aged 18 years or over, or roughly 6.4 million people, smoked cigarettes. This is down from 20.2 per cent in 2011 and well over 40 per cent in 1974. Given that smoking is widely regarded as just about the worse thing you can do to your body, this is a significant public health success story.
With 87 per cent of the population identifying as non-smokers, a further tightening of the law ought to be broadly popular. Indeed, when YouGov asked respondents back in 2021 whether they would support or oppose banning smoking on pavements outside pubs, restaurants, and cafes, 59 per cent said they were either strongly or somewhat supportive.
Of course, hackles have already been raised. The Standard's Melanie McDonagh denounced the plan as "pure nannyism". Maddy Mussen called it "an assault on romance". And no doubt it could have an impact on a hospitality sector already struggling with high costs. Research published earlier this year found that more than 3,000 pubs, bars and nighclubs have closed in an around London since the beginning of the pandemic.
It therefore seems plausible that, should this proposal reach the statute books, there might be some carve-out for beer gardens and night clubs. But I can't imagine too many are lighting up in preparation for a fight to the death to protect people's right to smoke outside of hospitals or near children's outdoor play areas.
From the government's perspective, banning smoking in outdoor spaces confers a couple of additional benefits. First, it costs them nothing. In an era of fiscal blackholes, sprawling NHS waiting lists and overflowing prisons, this does not attract the Treasury's wrath. Second, such a move would enjoy widespread support within the Labour Party, unlike Sunak's proposed smoking ban for people born after 2009, which split the Tories. For these reasons, it stands a decent chance of becoming law.