‘Now that I know, what do I do?’ The terrible question of how and when to tell a small child about abuse

‘Do I even need to tell them or will they just forget about it?’ Parents face a terrible dilemma of whether to tell their child of abuse they do not remember. Illustration: Victoria Hart/Guardian Design

In the winter of 2010, less than two weeks before Christmas, dozens of parents in Amsterdam received terrible news. Police in the US had tipped off Dutch authorities that a young male childcare worker had sexually abused tens of young, preverbal children in his care, mostly boys under the age of two. The man confessed to numerous instances of abuse. The courts went on to convict him. And the parents of the children abused had to decide what to do next.

As they grappled with the abuse of their child, the parents faced a difficult dilemma: If their child showed no signs of being traumatised by or even remembering the abuse, should they tell them? And how?