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The Guardian - UK
The Guardian - UK
Lifestyle
Lucy Cavendish

Nifty ways to leave a lover (temporarily) – how a gap year could save your marriage

marriage gap year illustration
Many couples don’t want to divorce, they just want to work out how to stay together while also being apart. Illustration: Guardian Design/Phillip Lay

A couple came to see me a few months ago. What they wanted to ask me about wasn’t how to stay together – as a couples counsellor, coach and writer, this is what clients usually come to see me about – but how to separate. However what this couple wanted was slightly different.

They were in their mid-50s and they told me they had been married for more than 30 years. They loved each other. They’d had a marriage that had survived the ups and downs of most unions. They had three children all of whom had left home. Yet they were looking at a future together with apprehension. They didn’t want to divorce, they just wanted to work out how to stay together while also being apart. The wife was a homebody and also loved being near her children. The husband had rediscovered an adventurous side in himself that had lain dormant for a couple of decades.

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