A woman living in Los Angeles with her husband was love-bombed into marriage only to find out the guy is planning to "bleed her dry" off her wealth. She told MarketWatch that she is planning her escape after five years and has a 401(k), $140,000 in a savings account, and owns a home she bought for $900,000 before marriage. The property is currently worth $1.3 million.
The couple met in 2019, and she found him charming. He always bought her gifts and discussed dreams of a happy future together. The husband worked freelance gigs, and upon realising what she could offer him, including financial stability, they decided to tie the knot a few months later. Soon after, the guy became a different person. He lost his composure over minor issues, blamed her for discussing her career, made harsh references to her wealthy family, and accused her of being self-centred. "He turned into a monster days after our wedding," she said.
The woman thought her husband was facing mental health challenges but soon realised he would surprisingly cheer up and become loving again when his sister would call. Feeling foolish for staying in this marriage for years, she recalled the husband kept his bank account secrets and relied on her to help with the bills. If any hurdles cropped up, it would be everyone else's fault, like his clients not paying on time.
She explained that if he does love her, it is not the kind of love she wants because "it is controlling." The woman's friends slowly helped her realise he wasn't good for her, and she was comparatively happier before meeting him. She even wonders if she should start hiding her money.
Navigating a Potentially Complicated Divorce
In states like California, most divorce cases require couples to divide assets equally but keep personal belongings like jewellery as part of the settlement process. Property appreciation during a marriage or using marital assets to finance the mortgage can complicate separations. Note the woman bought the house before marriage. Hence, it is a separate property under the law. In other words, you get to pull out of the marriage what you brought into it.
However, the commingling of assets, which changes the property status from separate to marital property, can happen if the woman allows the husband to contribute significantly towards maintaining and renovating the house. Decisions like failing to have separate mortgage accounts or depositing an inheritance you receive into a joint account could make them marital assets.
In a divorce, the part that deals with alimony is likely to take centre stage if the husband is after it and argues that the woman gets to live in her California home. Despite a stable income and coming from an affluent family, she can highlight how her husband never helped run the household, and keeping records can also help her case. Meanwhile, short-lived marriages may also result in lower alimony payments.
The Internal Revenue Service (IRS) allows the deduction of alimony payments from taxable income for payers if the divorce happened before 2019. However, one cannot deduct alimony paid under a divorce agreement "executed after 2018, or executed before 2019 but later modified if the modification expressly states the repeal of the deduction for alimony payments applies to the modification," according to the IRS.
Doing anything impulsive out of stress, like hiding money, can weaken the woman's case if a judge learns about it. Instead, she should look for support from friends and family. A California woman won $1.3 million in the lottery in 1996 and filed for divorce in under two weeks without telling anyone, including her husband, about the winnings. When the husband found out about it years later, he sued her, and the judge awarded all her earnings to the husband.
Leaving Breadcrumbs For Her To Stay Invested
Psychologists view love bombing as an effective manipulation technique used by narcissists to draw people into their lives by becoming what they want them to be. They are often convincing and quickly figure out what a person wants in life and give that back overwhelmingly. It could be love, affection, or dreams of a happily ever after future.
Victims often fall for the image of an ideal partner portrayed by narcissists. Interestingly, the husband also keeps giving the woman signs of hope that she may find back the partner he was when they met to keep her invested in the relationship despite any genuine efforts to improve their failing relationship. This behavioural pattern is called breadcrumbing, and many narcissists employ this tactic to control another person.
It could have been difficult for the person she was in 2018—trusting of others, planning for a secure future—to learn that someone can show such happy dreams only to be hollow and deceitful.
Not normalising abnormal behaviour and asking questions like how life changed since the relationship, friends you've lost touch with, and activities you engaged in before can help you be kinder to yourself, which is crucial in healing after separation. The lessons can help the woman avoid difficult people in the future and help her loved ones also stay clear of toxic relationships.
