Everywhere you look lately, Zoë Chao is there. Last year she starred in the Apple TV+ series “The Afterparty” and more recently she showed up in the rom-coms “Your Place or Mine” and “Somebody I Used to Know.” She also joined “Party Down,” the ensemble comedy about cater-waiters that is back on Starz after 13 years. Chao plays a new character: A chef who leans into experimental (possibly inedible) ideas instead of your more standard hors d’oeuvres.
“When I was auditioning, I was shooting ‘Your Place or Mine’ and I was staying in an Airbnb and the person above me was a personal chef,” said Chao, “and I told him I needed some help and did he have any tools I could use as props? And he said: ‘I’ll one up you. I’ve got tools and I’ve also got my chef’s uniform.’ So he gave me a hat and the shirt and a cravat and he got me ready for my audition, which was really sweet.”
Everything’s coming up Chao these days. But all careers have low points. When asked about one, she recalled an audition that went terribly awry because she simply didn’t know what she didn’t know.
My worst moment …
“I went to the University of California San Diego for their MFA program, but it wasn’t a conservatory. We didn’t study musical theater, that was not a focus. And then maybe a year or so out of grad school, I had an audition for this new Pasadena Playhouse musical and it was the first time — and last time — I was ever called in for a musical.
“The instructions were: Prepare 16 bars. And I thought, OK, 16 bars. That’s nothing. I can do that — I’ve got this.
“But it turns out I didn’t know what a musical audition entailed. I didn’t know what was expected of me. The instructions said 16 bars, I took that to heart and memorized 16 bars and not a bar more.
“I walk in and it was a panel of 12 people that had flown in from New York. And that really shook me. And they said, ‘OK, let’s hear your song. Do you have the music?’ And I was like, ‘No!’ And they’re like (uncertainly), ‘OK …’ And I said (enthusiastically), ‘OK!’
“I didn’t even know there would be a pianist, let alone that I was supposed to print out the sheet music. Turns out, you’re supposed to have a whole binder of music that you’re ready to sing at the drop of a hat. Because if they like the 16 bars, they’re going to ask you to finish that song — and then they’re going to ask you to sing another song. And then maybe they’re going to ask you to sing another song.
“In retrospect, it’s like, man, what a green idiot I was.
“But I walked in without any sheet music, so I was doing it a cappella. And they go, ‘Are you ready?’ And I go, ‘I’m ready!’
“And I sang 16 bars and literally cut myself off in the middle of a sentence — because that was the end of the 16 bars. I was like (singing): ‘You can always …’ And then I stopped because that was 16 bars and then I said, ‘Thank you.’
“They looked, uh, (laughs) they were speechless. Their faces — they were very confused.
“Then someone said, ‘OK, that was great. Would you like to finish the song? We’d love to hear more of it.’
“And I said, ‘But you only asked for 16 bars.’
“They said, ‘Right. You did a great job with those 16 bars. Can we hear more bars?’
“And I said, ‘No.’ (laughs) And then they said, ‘Oh! No?’ And I said, ‘Yes — no.’
“Then they asked me if I’d like to sing another song and I said, ‘I don’t have another song.’ (laughs) And they said, ‘Do you want to sing “Happy Birthday”?’ And I said, ‘No.’
“And then I said, ‘Thank you so much for your time. Best of luck, buh-bye,’ (laughs) and I left.
“And that was my worst moment.”
Was Chao thrown off balance when she realized there was a pianist to accompany her or had she planned to sing it a cappella all along?
“I had not even thought about that part because I’m not a musical theater kid. I did the assignment: They said prep 16 bars so I prepped 16 bars. I sang it with the internet when I practiced. But I guess I didn’t really think it through (laughs).
“I mean, I was fine with singing it a cappella. But once I had spotted the pianist, I knew that I had already done something wrong because ideally I would have had the sheet music and that would have been a fuller experience for everyone if I had printed the music out — and also, I wouldn’t be plucking a note out of nowhere.
“The panic and the shame and regret and embarrassment were all there. But there was also rage (laughs). I was very angry that they said all I needed to do was prep 16 bars, but that actually I needed to have more ready.
“So by the time they suggested ‘Happy Birthday,’ the flop-sweat had come and gone and it was getting really dark inside my head: 'You call yourself an actor? Some people don’t even get auditions and you come in here and you are unprepared? You are bringing shame onto your family! You are not worthy of taking up the space that you are standing in right now — these people flew out from New York.'
“I was crumbling inside. I had prided myself on being a good student and I was just so poorly prepared!
“But also, I didn’t need to sing ‘Happy Birthday.’ That just felt really embarrassing. It’s not a good song, no one likes that song — can you get anything from that song about someone’s talent? There’s no opportunity to flex in ‘Happy Birthday.’ And I was like, I’ve said ‘no’ to the last five questions they’ve asked me, I might as well stick with no. I was trying to hold on to some agency — some dignity! I had made a choice and I stuck with it.
“And I was like, there’s no way I’m getting this part. I shouldn’t get this part.”
Did she get the part?
“What do you think? No! (laughs)
“So I left and I got into my black PT Cruiser, it was my little hearse and it really was like a funeral in that moment. I called my mother and I sobbed and my mom said, ‘It’s OK, this is life experience — how would you have known?’
“She said all the right things. I didn’t feel better (laughs) but we got through it.
“Here’s the thing that’s messed up: I did a cappella in middle school, high school and college. I did musicals in college. But it was a different audition process. So the thing is, I can actually sing. It’s one of those things where I can hold a tune and perform a song, but do I think I’m a good singer? No, I think I have a pretty tinny voice. My sister can really sing. I know a lot of great singers, so I would never call myself a singer. Even when I did musicals in college I was like, how? Why am I here? And if there was a high note, everybody would be worried for me because I’m a real alto. So I love singing, but I haven’t sought it out.
“Wait, I lied: There was one other musical audition. It was for ‘Cats,’ the movie. This was many years later. I didn’t have to go in person, so I did it at home on tape. I sang 16 bars (laughs) and I finished the phrase so it was maybe 17 bars of music. Didn’t love that part. And they also wanted a dance tape. And I was like, what the hell is a dance tape?
“I can’t do splits or pirouettes or anything like that, so I decided I was going to put on a Spoon song — not even a ‘Cats’ song — and I am going to purr around my kitchen and play with the light in my kitchen and lick my hands and do some jazzy hip-hop moves and stitched it all together. So that was my dance tape, just clips of me doing moves to a song that is so far from the musical world of ‘Cats.’ I was so lost that I made the cat really sexy, which also feels weird because I never do that. I’m in a cropped top and a bow that looks like ears and red lips and just rolling around in my kitchen. I got no feedback (from the casting people) but my manager loved it.
“It’s a famous tape in our house that sometimes we take out and show to friends.”
The takeaway …
“If you go in for something, just maybe research a little more. Use the internet! Call a friend who maybe is in the musical theater world. That can’t hurt.
“I just didn’t even know that I needed to do the research and ask questions. They said prep 16 bars and I took it literally. It’s hard to imagine what else you need to know if you’re inexperienced.
“I am grateful for the experience, though. It’s led to me talking to you today.
“This life and this career continue to be so humbling. I’ve tried to be water — as Bruce Lee said — and just go with it. I try to punish myself less.
“But I’m glad that I never sang ‘Happy Birthday’ for them. I stuck to my guns and said, ‘No, I shall not sing ‘Happy Birthday’ for you.’”
———
