'My wife went to hospital with a chest infection – a week later she was gone'

Nigel Murrills and his late wife Mary - (Nigel Murrills)

Choir soprano Mary Murrills was singing a solo at a remembrance service the night before she was admitted to hospital with a chest infection.

The devoted grandmother-of-11, from Bexleyheath, had suffered similar infections before, giving her family every reason to believe she would soon be back home.

But sadly a week after being admitted to hospital, Mary suffered a stroke.

She died on November 17, 2025, aged 76, leaving her husband and family devastated.

Nigel Murrills, 76, said the loss was so sudden that he spent weeks living in a state of shock before the reality of life without his wife began to sink in.

“For weeks it almost felt as though Mary had simply gone away somewhere and would be coming back,” he said.

“It wasn't until I helped carry her coffin out of the church and watched it being lowered into the ground that it finally became real.

“That was the moment I realised she wasn't coming home.”

Mary Murrills (Nigel Murrills)

Now, to mark International Widows Day, Nigel has reflected on his loss, saying losing Mary felt as though his “heart had been cut out".

The couple spent 40 years together after first becoming friends as next-door neighbours, a relationship that blossomed into a marriage, a family of four children and 11 grandchildren.

Today, all of their children and grandchildren live within a few miles of one another.

Professionally, Mary worked as an NVQ Assessor, but much of her life revolved around her faith and community.

A minister within the Franciscan Order of the Catholic Church, she sang soprano in the choir, read during services and played an active role in parish life.

In the months following her death, Nigel turned to poetry as a way of navigating the heartbreak and loneliness of losing his wife.

Nigel with his late wife Mary (Nigel Murrills)

Despite being surrounded by family, he says one of the most difficult aspects of widowhood has been helping people understand that grief does not simply fade with time.

Nigel said: “I’ve lost my parents, my in-laws, a nephew, a niece and even a child who lived for only eighteen hours. I thought I understood grief because I’d experienced loss before.

“What I discovered is that losing your husband or wife is different because they’re woven into every part of your daily life.

“People often think grief gets easier after a few months, but that’s not how it works.

“Three months later, six months later, twelve months later, you haven’t got over it.

“You’re simply finding ways to stem the tears and get through another day.”

The Widowed Collective provides free peer-to-peer support for people who have lost a life partner.

Through its online community, practical guidance, events and lived-experience support network, the organisation helps widows and widowers navigate life after loss and find connection with others.