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The Guardian - AU
The Guardian - AU
Lifestyle
Eleanor Gordon-Smith

My wife’s drinking is way over guidelines but she never loses control. What do you suggest?

A woman drinks a glass of wine as a man looks on
‘It might be useful to pivot from asking, “How can I stop my wife drinking so much?” to, “How can we help with what makes my wife want to drink so much?”’ Painting: The Glass of Wine by Johannes Vermeer. Photograph: Google Art Project

I’ve been with my wife for nearly two decades. During that time, food and wine have been things we’ve enjoyed for leisure. When Covid came along I already had concerns about my own alcohol intake and in the lockdowns we both went a bit crazy. Since then, my wife has worked from home a lot more. While my intake has peaks and troughs, she will open a strong beer every day at 5pm and she often kicks on from there with wine or cocktails. Yesterday it was a bottle of wine, although I didn’t have anything.

Her consumption is way over all published guidelines but she never loses control, she’s fun to be around, she’s always up to help our son prepare for school and she continues to excel in her high-pressure job. Drinking really isn’t causing any problems. My worry is that this could suddenly spin out of control and I will feel awful for not having done anything. Also, her family has a history of dementia and I worry it could exacerbate that.

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