I am in my 40s and struggling with breaking off a five-year relationship. My partner is kind, affectionate and emotionally open, but I’m having huge doubts about our compatibility. I’m buying my own place, which is stressful, while he leads a life lacking in responsibility (he lives at home). I find this difficult. We don’t face the same challenges or routines. I work nine-to-five, while he drifts around on whims and vague projects, and spends the few pounds that come his way on records. He will not accept that I find our different lifestyles difficult to reconcile.
I find myself trapped and stuck, not wanting to wound someone so kind. He is a wonderful man but I can see we are ill-suited in the long run. I feel concerned that I’m keeping him around as a friend. He doesn’t want to break up and is encouraging me not to end it. This is playing on my guilt about wishing to leave, as well as my fear of giving up on us and finding someone new – a daunting prospect. Something has to change. I just can’t seem to find the right words, or way to do it.
