This is what people say to you when you tell them that your mother has just died. Was it expected? Often, I said no. Sometimes, I said yes. Yes, it was expected. But not by me. My mother expected it. That’s not quite the right verb. She planned it. She planned her own death. And she told us to expect it, but I didn’t. Wasn’t I listening? Didn’t I believe her?
I misjudged her. But would you have expected it? If you had met my mother in the last years of her life, when she was in her 70s, you would have been aware of her timidity. Although she had strong opinions, she moved uncertainly through the world. She was nervous of journeys.
