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The Guardian - UK
The Guardian - UK
Lifestyle
Anita Chaudhuri

My husband and I are separating – but he doesn’t want anyone to know

Images of child, woman and man
‘I worry about the result of pushing him to be more honest with his family and friends.’ Composite: Getty (posed by models)

My husband and I no longer have romantic feelings for each other and have agreed to separate. However, my husband is paid much less than me and can’t afford to live separately, so we have agreed to live together as a family with our seven-year-old daughter for the time being. I worry that this is confusing for her and will have a negative impact. It would be better if we could explain it to her, but my husband does not want to tell his family or friends that we are no longer together. I would like our separation to be more formalised, but my husband has severe mental health problems and I worry about the result of pushing him to be more honest with his family and friends.

I feel this is forcing me and my daughter to live a lie. I can’t move on with my life because I feel forced to pretend everything is fine. What should I do? Keep pretending, as the risk to my husband’s mental health is too great, or make a stand and push for a proper separation?

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