My father becomes passive aggressive at Christmas. How can we make it better?

‘Perhaps you could also try to change the Christmas ritual. Traditions can go stale.’ Wood engraving: The Curmudgeons’ Christmas, after Randolph Caldecott, attributed to Edmund Evans, 19th century. Illustration: Walker Art Library/Alamy

Each Christmas it’s a stressful time for my family. My father reliably becomes passive aggressive, I suspect because he wants Christmas to be a certain way, with certain foods to his liking. The problem is that he is old school and does nothing at all to help with the monumental task of preparing. Therefore I tend to help my mum cook things we like, as we are the ones putting in the effort.

My brothers and father do nothing to help – yet resent not getting what they want. It feels as though it gets more toxic and difficult each year – and we don’t know how to make it better. Any suggestions? Also, self-reflection on the part of my dad will never happen, so we’re at an impasse.