A mum with 'months to live' has began planning her own funeral to take the pressure off her husband and children when she's gone. Tiffany Ryan was suddenly diagnosed with stage-2 breast cancer in April last year, after a visit to the doctors about an itch on her collar bone turned out to be much more serious.
Following a mastectomy, chemotherapy and radiotherapy, Tiffany hoped that she was cured of the disease, but in January, medics broke the news that the cancer had spread. The 37-year-old was given a life expectancy of three months and had beaten the odds, but sadly it is incurable.
Tiffany, from Clapham, West Sussex, says she doesn't want to burden her doting husband Matt, 39, with having to plan the details of her funeral when she passes.
She's now selected a funeral director, as well as her own coffin - wrapped in a daffodil-themed vinyl rather than having a "boring brown coffin."
But finding enough money to pay for everything, as well as to cover the mortgage and bills, is proving to be a challenge.
"Funerals are also expensive. The average funeral costs about £5,000 - so doing that along with everyday expenses and the mortgage is really difficult," she said.
Speaking about her send-off, Tiffany, who works as a permanent carer for her autistic eight-year-old son, continued: "I've decided on a female funeral director, who I feel really comfortable with.
"I want my funeral to be a positive event. I'm not particularly religious, but my children love to go to our local church - so I don't want the event to be there.
"Instead I'm going to have a 'green funeral' in an outdoors woodland area. My children shouldn't have to see me be cremated at the church they love.
"I want them to feel comfortable there and safe when I'm gone - not to have it constantly remind them of my death.
"All of this is really hard on my husband too, he wants to take things just one week at a time, sorting out issues like power of attorney and wills.
"I don't want him to have to deal with that later though, but it is very strange planning my own funeral while some mums I know on the school run are still having children.
Doctors say that Tiffany may have just months to live, leaving her preparing 'memory capsules' with video messages and letters to her young children - who are just three and eight.
She was even told by medics in January that she may not live to see her daughter's fourth birthday - which is next week.
In spite of her condition, Tiffany says that she feels "totally normal" and is not in pain at all.
"I think the strangest part is that I do not feel sick, but I know that I only have so much time," she said.
"I'm not in pain, I'm still doing the normal school run and going to hospital while my children are in school.
"Doctors have told me that it's inoperable now. The one thing they could do was give me a tablet to slow it down - but that's it.
"I think at first I just went into a state of denial. I asked for a second opinion, drug trials - anything that would prolong it. There was a lot of anger, sadness, depression and anxiety.
"I didn't know whether to tell people, I just sat at home and let it sink in for a while.
"I'm now having to compress all of these Christmases, birthdays and other special occasions into a very short amount of time.
"It's horrible knowing that my children might not even remember my voice, so I'm planning on making recordings of myself as well as leaving them birthday gifts and notes."
Tiffany and her husband Matt, who works as an IT engineer, have started trying to build memories together - booking time away from home as a family while her children do not know about her condition.
Supported by charities Depha UK and Disability Expo, the family intends to go away to stay in a log cabin at the end of March, followed by a 'glamping' holiday later this year.
Tiffany added: "It's hard to arrange spending time away together, booking holidays abroad is especially complicated because I would need to be near hospitals.
"If something happened I could become stuck abroad - so we're only booking holidays in the UK for the moment.
"We just want to go somewhere that we can go for a week and pretend to be normal - so that they can remember me."
If you'd like to donate to Tiffany's fundraiser, you can visit her page to help make the family some memories.
Do you have a story to share? Email nia.dalton@reachplc.com.
