A woman came under fire after considering not allowing her daughter to visit her ex’s dying dog - because it conflicted with the custody schedule.
The 29-year-old mom explained that she shared a nine-year-old daughter, Claire, with her ex-husband Brian. He has Claire between Wednesday and Saturday, and the mom has her from Sunday to Tuesday.
When Brian called to ask if he could pick Claire up a day early so she could say goodbye to his dog, she initially said no.
After posting to the Am I The A**hole subreddit, the woman changed her mind and allowed her daughter to visit the dog.
She explained that shortly before her daughter was born, her ex got a dog. As the dog was around six or seven, she reckons the dog must now be “ancient”.
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She said: “Claire loves this dog, and I’ve tried to indulge that as much as possible and the days I have her Brian will let Claire video call with him and the dog which I think is a bit extreme but to each their own.”
On Monday Brian contacted her asking if he could collect Claire a day early so she could say goodbye to the dog, who was due to be put down on Tuesday.
But she told him she “didn’t think it was a good idea to go against court-ordered custody”, and since “he wouldn’t watch her when I had a work emergency I didn’t see why this was different.”
Brian said she was “overly dramatic, petty, and cruel” to not let Claire see the dog, but the Redditor said she didn’t think she was in the wrong because they’ve “set the standard that we’re sticking to the court-ordered custody”.
He sent her several texts saying she should let Claire be there, and apparently told Claire what was going on, which the Redditor saw as “overstepping”.
She concluded the post by saying Claire is now also upset at her, and asked if she’s in the wrong to not let him pick her up a day earlier than usual.
The top comment, with over 56,000 upvotes, reads: “Major YTA [you’re the a**hole]. What if a relative died? ‘Oh sorry, can’t go to the funeral. It’s not on the schedule’. These are the things that drive kids apart from their parents. Don’t be the AH [a**hole] parent.”
Another comment said Brian’s assertion that she was being “overly dramatic, petty and cruel” was “spot on”. The same commenter questioned why she asked him to take her during a work emergency if she’s so opposed to deviating from the court-ordered parenting schedule.
The child’s emotional wellbeing should come first, another said.
They wrote: “You should bring her to say goodbye to the dog if you don’t want to blur the custody order. The important thing here is that your nine-year-old should be given the opportunity to say goodbye to a beloved pet and process her grief.” They added that the custody order shouldn’t stop her from prioritising what’s in the child’s best interests, and accused the mom of being more focused on not giving time to her ex instead of the emotional impact this will have on the child.
In an update, the original poster thanked people for their input and decided to change her mind.
She wrote: “I thought about it some more and read some of the replies and I realised I was being short-sighted and taking out my frustration from the past in a way that would only negatively affect my daughter. I’ve talked to Brian and we’ve made the agreement that he will pick her up tomorrow to say goodbye and drop her off a day early.”
Losing a pet is never easy, but at least the child will now have a chance to say goodbye.
