A woman who had her life torn apart after her abusive ex-husband killed their two sons in a deliberate fire is working to bring an end to violence against women and children. Campaigner Claire Throssell MBE, of South Yorkshire, attended the opening of a new women's centre in Mansfield on Wednesday, March 8.
In support of the new Violence Against Women and Girls Strategy being formed by agencies across Nottingham and Nottinghamshire, Claire shared her own experience with an abusive partner, which ultimately led to her two sons, Jack and Paul, aged 12 and 9, dying in her arms after a house fire was set by their dad, Darren Sykes.
Claire began her talk by explaining how her ex partner of 16 years abused her emotionally, mentally and physically, and how where others may have seen a couple hold hands as they dropped their kids off, this tight grip was actually one of the many methods he used to have constant control of her. Claire described how her children used to be amazed when realising other parents did not hurt each other or their children.
She spoke of one particular incident where her Darren was questioning Jack about his homework and went to hit him. Claire said: "When you have children you try to look after them and give them a life they deserve, you try to take their pain. I took the punch on my shoulder and fell down the stairs, he looked from the top of the stairs and said 'look what you made me do'."
Soon after this incident in April 2014 Claire decided to take the boys and leave Darren, and felt "so lucky that [her] mum lived a mile away" as for many women "they have nobody in that moment." For six months Jack and Paul "had a childhood" and were no longer "walking on eggshells" but things soon changed.
Claire explained: "I couldn't protect them as I went to the family courts and they couldn't protect them. I went to the family court and I expected justice, I thought this is going to make things so much better and I couldn't have been more wrong."
She was forced to sit just seats away from Darren who constantly insulted her, but he was still given five hours in unsupervised visits with the boys, who did not want to see their dad. On October 22, 2014 Claire missed her sons by only a few minutes after they had been collected by Darren for a visit which turned fatal.
The mum explained how Darren locked Jack and Paul in the attic and "set 14 seperate fires" in the property. Jack had tried to save his younger brother by reaching out to him in the attic, and when the emergency services came Jack told a fire man that his dad started the fires.
Claire said: "Paul died from that fire, they kept him alive so that I could hold him as he died. This is what happens when children don't have a voice, the only time Jack's voice was ever heard was on that landing."
Both brothers had suffered 56 per cent burns, and Jack was sedated and taken to hospital for treatment. For five days Claire stayed with him and talked to him, and heartbreakingly had to keep speaking of Paul as if he was alive, as Jack's final moments were spent trying to save his little brother with "the courage of a lion."
Jack also sadly died in his mother's arms. Claire continued: "I'm a survivor of domestic abuse, but these two are victims.
"We are all broken because the abuse never stays with the abuser it stays with us. He only took their lives to punish me. I have to live with that.
"I promised both my boys as I held them as they died that no child should have to die at the hands of their parents.” Since their tragic deaths in October 2014, Claire has tirelessly been campaigning to stop unsafe child contact with dangerous perpetrators of domestic abuse, and feels these changes need to start in family courts.
She said: "We have a string of violence against women and girls but it's actually all children, so we have the Child First campaign." This campaign includes a petition with more than 77,500 signatures and once it reaches 100,000 Claire will be taking it to the House of Lords.
Claire added: "Not one lord, lady or barrister can look me in the eye at the moment and say that they are trying their best to keep children safe. The Practice Direction 12J we need to change now and we need to get judges in the courts to use what's in the domestic bill already.
"A family court room is a barbaric place to be, there's no justice in it and that has to change. If I can save just one life then their lives would not be in vain."
When asked by Nottinghamshire Live what she would say to another victim of domestic abuse, Claire replied: "I would say don't suffer in silence, there are people that will listen to you. It's a frightening place to be in an abusive relationship, but there is light if you look for it.
"There are people out there that will listen and support. I would say to them if they are in this area to come to this new centre, but also to speak to family and friends. Predators move you around so you are isolated from your family and from your friends and that's their biggest power, just by walking into a police station or fire station, going to the doctors which is probably the only place you can go without the partner being in the room, go to see your GP.
"They don't have to suffer this in silence and nobody should have to be afraid." She went on to explain how places like the new women's centre and organisations like Women's Aid and the domestic abuse helpline are there and ready to help.
After listening to Claire, Nottinghamshire Police and Crime Commissioner Caroline Henry said: “Claire’s story is absolutely heart-breaking and sadly she is not alone. Women and girls across the country are disproportionately affected by violence in its many forms and it’s time for it to stop.
“This strategy sets out our commitment, as partner agencies across Nottingham and Nottinghamshire, to ensure violence against women and girls will not be tolerated and that everyone can feel safe and supported. It is an issue I feel incredibly passionate about because it can have such a huge ripple effect on families and communities.
"We all need to stand up for our mothers, sisters and daughters and say enough is enough.”
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