A mum-of-two has spoken of her devastation after learning that her cancer is incurable. Nicole Smith, from Salford, is now planning to undergo treatment for "as long as possible" having been told that her cervical cancer has spread to her lungs.
Nicole, 38, was originally diagnosed with cancer five years ago after complaining of stomach pains and experiencing some irregular bleeding. On her feelings when doctors explained that her cancer was terminal, she told the Manchester Evening News : "I was just devastated, because before there was always hope.
"Every other time I went to treatment it was with the intent to cure, but they told me this time it had spread to my lungs and somewhere else but I’ve asked them not to tell me where.” Nicole has two sons - 19-year-old James and Jack, who is eight - and is also a grandmother to Chase.
She is now having to come to terms with not being around to care for them as long as she had always hoped, adding: "My worst fear is who’s going to love and care for my children the way a mother does when I’m not here any more? That’s my ultimate fear." Aside from her cancer diagnosis, Nicole has also endured personal loss herself in recent times following the death of her father during the pandemic and her pet dogs, whilst in 2018 her best friend Clare died from stomach cancer.
"It was really strange," she said of Clare's simultaneous battle with the disease. "We’d been best friends since we were 12, when I was diagnosed she was my rock and was looking after me. In the same year I had received some treatment and got the all clear, but I couldn’t even celebrate because my best friend had been diagnosed with terminal cancer. I couldn’t believe it. That hurt me more than my own situation. That was the worst time for me."
On her coping mechanisms now she has found herself in the same situation as Clare, Nicole said: "It takes a lot of counselling and it’s a lot of stress, you think that just when you’re getting somewhere then something comes up. The last couple of years it just feels like it’s been non-stop, it’s just hard. My family have been there for me, I don’t know what I would have done without them all. When I’m in my treatment it’s definitely my family that keeps me going.”
Nicole is now hoping to make some precious memories with her family, who have set up a GoFundMe page to raise money to help make that possible. It is Nicole's dream to return with them to Disneyland Paris - a place that she fell in love with as a child on a school trip.
You can donate to the fund by clicking here.
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