A mum has been branded a "user" after expecting her neighbour to take her child to school for her, despite not getting her ready on time.
The mum-of-two's neighbour has referred to her as a "CF [cheeky f***er]" for only ever getting in touch with her when "she wants something". The neighbour, also a mum-of-two, took to Mumsnet's popular Am I Being Unreasonable [AIBU] forum to seek advice on how to deal with the mum, who she feels is taking advantage of her and continually wanting favours.
The mum explained her two children attend school with the "cheeky" neighbour's children, who she named Jenny and Davy in her post, but said they're not friends and "clam up" when walking to school with the neighbour's children in tow. She wants to decline her neighbour's continual requests for help without creating an awkward atmosphere, as she's hopeful they'll still help one another in an emergency.
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Taking to Mumsnet, she said her neighbour is "always pleasant" to her "but only ever WhatsApps me if she wants something". She penned: "On a few occasions when there has been an emergency she has asked me to take Jenny to school. I have always been fine for this. However, when I had Covid, I asked if she could walk my non-Covidy child to school, and she made a bit of a fuss saying she normally drives to school (a 7 minute walk), and that little Davy didn't have any gloves and his hands would get cold. I offered to lend her gloves. She eventually agreed. (It didn't happen in the end as DH [dear husband] managed to WFH [work from home] that day.)
"Last week CF [cheeky f***er] neighbour had a small car accident which has led to her car being off the road. She texted me yesterday morning asking if I would take Jenny to school. I didn't see her message immediately but replied within 10 minutes saying yes, and saying I'd call for her at 8.30. At 8.30 CF neighbour answered the door wearing basically no clothes saying that Jenny wasn't ready, and she hadn't seen my reply (why wouldn't you check?!) So she had to take her herself.
"Then she texted me again this morning asking if I would take Jenny. I did. Jenny is no problem at all - a really lovely girl, but my girls don't know her well and sort of clam up. This is a shame because I really enjoy the school run as a bit of time I get to spend talking to my girls away from the distractions of screens/homework/getting food ready etc.
"The reason given for this morning's request was that her younger child was still asleep. Although, when I called, it was clear CF neighbour wasn't dressed again. She has told me in the past that Jenny hates walking. Jenny has told me that she loves to walk, and that it's her mum who hates walking! (It's literally 7 minutes.) She also has a husband who WFH every day, but I literally never see him with the children, so I don't think she gets any support from him.
"Would I be unreasonable to say no to any future (non-emergency) requests, and how do I do this whilst maintaining a decent enough relationship that we can ask each other for actual emergencies?"
The mum's post was met with a string of replies from fellow Mumsnet users, keen to offer their opinions on the situation. One said: "YANBU [you are not being unreasonable], I would be honest with her and say that whilst you would be fine to help in a real emergency, you can’t do it regularly."
Another said: "I would just say no it doesn’t suit today. I wouldn’t even use her for an actual emergency because people like her never keep it to emergencies."
A third suggested: "Say, sometimes I can help, tho Jenny must up in time, and we walk. Sorry my children can’t be late, cos you are not organised".
Another Mumnset user suggested: "I just wouldn't look at any messages from her in the morning. If she's genuinely desperate she can ring. If she asks outright you'll have to say "no I don't mind the odd one but I really value this time to have a chat"."
In a follow up comment, the mum added: "There's no actual reason why I can't take her child to school (I wouldn't - and didn't - hang around for her the time she wasn't ready). It's more that I don't think any of the scenarios this week would fall into the "emergency" category. Your healthy 4 YO isn't awake at 7.30 a.m. for the school run? Wake him up! It's no skin off my nose really, but my girls are always a bit disappointed on the mornings they don't get me to themselves."
One Mumsnet user said: "She is a user and of no use to you. Tell her it doesn't suit you as the girls like you to themselves in the morning. A straight No."
Another commented: "I wouldn't even ask her in an emergency, she sounds very unreliable and hard work. CBA [can't be a****] with folk like that". And another said: "She’s a user I agree... Some people think everyone exists to make their life easier."
And another said: "You say there's no reason why you can't take Jenny to school. There doesn't seem to be a reason why Jenny's own mother can't take Jenny to school, apart from she's a lazy b*****d. Nip this in the bud now before it escalates because I know from bitter experience that it will."
Another Mumsnet user added: "She's a user and this will get worse and worse. Until one day you finally put your foot down, hard and she goes nuts. So firmly say No I'm not taking your DD [dear daughter] to school anymore, that's your job. The end. No whys needed."
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