His death-wish batting would have made Charles Bronson blush – but then he winkled out England's nemesis as his 200th Test wicket.
Moeen Ali's dismissal in the pre-lunch procession of lemmings over a cliff was enough to make you hide behind the sofa in despair.
But just when those blasted Aussies appeared to be disappearing over the horizon with the sacred urn, the all-rounder who answered his captain's Ashes SOS dragged them back into the contest.
Love him or leave him, you can't ignore Mo.
When he got away with one attempted pull through square leg off Aussie six-shooter Pat Cummins, the ball falling charitably between fielders, it should have been a warning to lay off the aerial route.
But he tried the same shot again minutes later, skied it like golfer's pitching wedge at the pin, and this time Cummins had laid the mousetrap with cheese.
England, six down, were not even halfway to Australia's 263 all out and the groans around Headingley were conspicuous as Ali departed for 21.
Only Ben Stokes' latest audition for a superhero's cape, and Mark Wood's hilarious eight-ball cameo, hauled England within range and limited their first-innings deficit to 26.
From his first ball, Wood pulled Mitchell Starc for six – shades of Ian Botham hoisting Craig McDermott into the Edgbaston pavilion in 1985, although Beefy marched in to bat at 572-4, not 142-7.
If only Jonny Bairstow, Ali and Chris Woakes, whose dismissals were somewhere between skittish and harebrained, England might even have pinched a valuable lead.
But as the Aussies stretched their advantage, it was Moeen who kept them within range.
First Marnus Labuschagne, whose top score in the series is 47, holed out to Harry Brook on the deep midwicket boundary - and then came the crown jewel.
Steve Smith, on his 100th Test appearance, shovelled a half-volley to Ben Duckett, and wicketkeeper Bairstow gave him a chirpy send-off.
The departing batsman did not take kindly to Bluey's backing vocals and turned to confront him, barking “Hey! Hey!”
It was a poor shot, but also a timely reminder of Moeen's enduring value to England at a venue where off-spinners were once required only to carry the drinks tray.
Former Headingley groundsman Keith Boyce used to pronounce every strip here as a “belter” - which was invariably true, as long as you liked the odd delivery jumping off a length like a dog guarding the letterbox.
But this pitch is a genuine belter, with something to keep everyone interested from Moeen's off-breaks to Wood's express pace.
England will not want to chase much over 275 in the fourth innings, which will test the application of their batsmen – because after another wasted opportunity, there are no more hiding places.
It is time to call out England's freestyle batting and fried popcorn catching for what it is.
And for coach Brendon McCullum, principal architect of the Bazball cult, it is five minutes to midnight before he faces the court of public opinion.
If Australia go 3-0 up at Headingley, and retain the Ashes with two matches to spare, he will have to face the music. It is more likely to be Motorhead than Mozart.
Just imagine England's footballers qualifying for the World Cup with a giddy romp through the qualifying group – and falling flat on their faces when it counted.
That is, effectively, what McCullum's great entertainers have done this summer unless they can produce a rabbit from the hat here.
And just imagine Gareth Southgate telling the lads not to worry too much about practising penalties if it interferes too much with their golf swing – and coming a cropper in a shoot-out.
Giving batsmen unqualified freedom to express themselves, with no recriminations if it goes wrong, is fine.
But it is not a licence to tee off indiscriminately and leave Stokes to retrieve lost causes, or cut England's losses, every time.
And when catches go down, as they have with dispiriting regularity, the detail of England's preparation – or lack of it – deserves to come under forensic scrutiny.
