Less than a minute into the fourth episode of Harry and Meghan’s Netflix documentary, I make an appearance.
Or rather my voice does – a soundbite from Loose Women, discussing the royal engagement.
“This couple is the one that is going to change the face of the Royal Family for me,” I say. And at the time, I believed it.
When the world was introduced to Meghan Markle, I was so happy. A woman of colour in one of the most recognised institutions in the world was a symbol of change, hope and progress.
On Loose Women, I raised my hands excitedly and sang: “There’s a brown girl in da house.”
The social media trolls attacked. Some felt referencing Meghan’s skin colour was “inappropriate”. Others said they hadn’t even noticed until I mentioned it.
Both viewpoints are problematic. The colour of her skin mattered because it represented diversity and inclusion and gave the white, privileged Royal Family a different perspective. To ignore Meghan’s mixed-race heritage is a passive-aggressive way of not acknowledging her.
On the Loose Women panel there was a real ‘them and us’ dichotomy, I felt – the women of colour understanding and celebrating Meghan for everything she represented, and the “non white” women uncomfortable talking about race. The colour of my skin doesn’t define me, but nor do I want people to ignore my Asian skin tone. It’s my identity.
I’ve been discriminated against for my skin colour, but I also know being a strong, driven, opinionated woman has worked against me, too. My full-on personality can be too much for some people.
On the other hand, I’ve been given opportunities because of my skin colour and heritage and I can’t ignore that privilege either.
Positive discrimination allowed me to get a foot in the door. The next step is giving people a seat at the table. We have a long way to go, but I can already see that with my children’s generation we’ll get there before many other nations.
I mention all this because my opinion on Harry and Meghan comes from a different perspective. I’m a woman of colour in a mixed-race marriage, with mixed-race children, so I can relate. I believe the Royal Family, and those who work for it, may be out of touch in talking about and recognising the needs of people who don’t look like them or share the same background.
I also believe there will have been family politics involved (like in any family) and I think The Firm has a stiff-upper-lip, roll-your-sleeves-up approach to life and duty – and for some people who need more emotional support that may be difficult.
But, despite the fact I can understand Harry and Meghan’s anger and frustration, sharing their point of view – which is based on emotions, not concrete evidence – does not justify all this drama and repeated finger-pointing.
Say it once, get it out of the way and move on. Banging the same drum and profiting may line your pockets now, but in the long term you’ll feel isolated and come across as bitter, angry and, frankly, boring.
