Harriet’s teenage sons were so sociable as small children that she wasn’t prepared for what she calls the “hermit phase”. Around the age of 13 or 14, both boys started holing up in their bedrooms. Although they were avidly gaming and chatting with their friends online, real-world socialising seemed to fade away.
“They weren’t at all interested in seeing their friends; they just wanted to be left alone. It’s as if something clicked,” says Harriet (not her real name), a hospice manager living in a small northern town. Though she tried not to make an issue of it, their withdrawal bothered her: a healthy teenage life, she feels, should involve at least a bit of adventurous pushing of boundaries. “I would rather they didn’t drink cider in the park or whatever, but that’s normal. I don’t think it’s normal for them to stay in their rooms.” When she suggested her sons go into town with friends, as she had done at their age, they balked. “The youngest wouldn’t because apparently ‘that’s not what mates do’, and he wouldn’t go on his own because that looks sad.” But mostly, she says, they were baffled by the idea of hanging around shopping malls with their friends when they could buy anything they want online. “Everything encourages them to be at home – phones, gaming, amazing TV, stuff being delivered to your house.” Though Harriet doesn’t think lockdown caused the boys’ behaviour, it may have prolonged the habit of socialising online, she says.
