The contest was not 10 minutes old at Craven Cottage and Tyrell Malacia had already had Christian Eriksen and Anthony Elanga in his ear.
Elanga's recall was more defensive than attack-minded, a human shield for the left-footer at right-back. He knew he would be running backwards more often than forwards but Malacia fared unfavourably against the wily Willian and Antonee Robinson, nicknamed 'Jedi'. Willian was a force awoken.
As Dutch-centric as United's summer recruitment was, the sole Dutchman has been the weakest addition. Malacia has not quite recovered from the chasing Phil Foden gave him in a chastening 45 minutes at Manchester City that evoked memories of Patrice Evra's debut at the same stadium. Like Evra, Malacia was hooked at half-time.
Also read: United to consider recalling loan players in transfer window
Malacia only lasted 45 minutes four days later in Nicosia, where his errant touch turned attack into defence and briefly threatened a new low as Omonia took the lead. Fulham was Malacia's first Premier League start since the trouncing by City.
Malacia was more Buttner than Blind in London but he was an auxiliary choice in the absence of the suspended and otherwise ever-present Diogo Dalot. Victor Lindelof has formed a reasonable partnership with Lisandro Martinez and his relocation to right-back was costly against Real Sociedad in September.
From risk-taking to risk-aversive: in not boarding the train from Stockport to Euston, Aaron Wan-Bissaka threw Malacia under the bus. Wan-Bissaka has been in the squad only six times out of a possible 21 this season, played four minutes and has not started since April. That includes United's six pre-season friendlies.
United manager Erik ten Hag said on the eve of the Fulham game Wan-Bissaka "struggles as well but in a different side. Some injuries, some illnesses, so he was also often not available but doesn't have a real big problem."
It is just as well Dalot has stayed injury-free since his year-long work placement in Milan. Ten Hag diplomatically suggested "it's about [Wan-Bissaka] to get really fit and to make competition with Diogo for the second half of the season" yet it is fanciful Wan-Bissaka will ever pull on a United shirt again.
Wan-Bissaka was informed he was free to leave United before last season had ended but there were no tangible takers. Plenty of Crystal Palace fans would welcome him back and United have to explore cutting their losses on a £50million investment who is destined to hold the record as the most expensive Englishman never to play for England for some time.
While the season is nearing the halfway point, it is an illusion. In reality, United are barely a third of the way through the domestic campaign, with a minimum of 28 fixtures still to be played within 22 weeks.
Then there is the probability of progress past Burnley in the League Cup, a competition Arsenal, Chelsea and Tottenham have already been ejected from, with Liverpool due at City next month. The League Cup is the earliest date United could end a trophy drought certain to stray close to six years.
Two-legged semi-finals returned last season, there are FA Cup replays in the third and fourth rounds, the Europa League play-off with Barcelona has denied Ten Hag two free midweeks in February and the Premier League is yet to allocate slots for the postponed fixtures away at Crystal Palace and at home to Leeds.
Dalot has been run into the ground and needs dependable back-up. United will monitor full-back Brandon Williams' recovery from a long-term injury and sources suggested in the summer it was in Williams's interest to hang tight at United amid the possibility Wan-Bissaka could secure a divorce.
United are open to recalling Ethan Laird, whose upward curve on loan at Queens Park Rangers is in danger of dipping with manager Michael Beale expected to defect to Rangers. Laird started in United's final pre-season fixture against Rayo Vallecano at Old Trafford and is a right-back more aligned with Ten Hag than Williams or Wan-Bissaka.
It would have been remiss to entrust the same forwards if Cristiano Ronaldo had not summoned Piers Morgan to Manchester. United are a better team without Ronaldo but not necessarily better off without him. With him, they had some presence and a (flagging) fear factor. Without him, they absolutely do not have a dependable goalscorer.
United are open to recruiting a forward but the timing of the World Cup complicates matters. Though Cody Gakpo was under consideration in the summer, it would be impressionable to turn to the Eredivisie again for another overpriced attacker, particularly a Dutch one.
Louis van Gaal is trying to turn the clocks back to 2014 with this Clockwork Orange in a back three, yet they do not have forwards fit to lace Robin van Persie or Arjen Robben's boots. Vincent Janssen started ahead of Memphis Depay against Senegal.
Anthony Martial is a number nine who seldom lives up to his number, having broken the 20-goal barrier once in seven seasons with United. He has missed a third of their matches this season but has at least scored or assisted in all but two of his seven appearances.
Marcus Rashford is renascent and has tallied a respectable eight goals but is at his optimum off the left. Antony is without a goal since October 9 and missed five matches through injury, Alejandro Garnacho is too raw to dash to the rescue regularly, Elanga is without a club goal since February 23 and Jadon Sancho has hit the reset button.
Sancho, a lad so polite he shook the hand of every reporter in the mixed zone at Leicester, has left social media and diligently travelled to the Netherlands to finesse his technique with coaches Ten Hag has recommended. He could always fill in at right-back.
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