Stepparents will always have a different relationship with their spouse’s children. There are boundaries they should never cross, especially when it involves the mother or father they replaced.
A young man was in this complicated situation with his father’s wife, who showed blatant disdain for his late mom’s memories. Things reached a tipping point one day when he threw out a gift from her for his 18th birthday. Unfortunately, his dad sided against him and accused him of being “spiteful.”
The author had already distanced himself from his father and stepmom, but he asks the AITAH subreddit if he went too far with his actions. Scroll down to read the story below.
Stepfamily relationships are complicated, with boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed
Image credits: DragonImages/Envato (not the actual photo)
A young man threw out a gift from his father’s wife after she disrespected his late mother’s memories
Image credits: ASphotostudio/Envato (not the actual photo)
His dad sided with his stepmom, causing more division in their already strained family dynamic
Image credits: Dry_Butterscotch522
Stepparents must avoid specific actions to keep a harmonious relationship
Image credits: Julia M Cameron/Pexels (not the actual photo)
The stepmom may have overstepped her boundaries, causing the author to distance himself. In an interview with Parents.com, a few experts shared these no-nos. The first on the list is trying to take the other parent’s place.
As parenting expert and stepfamily coach Derek Randel said, “These children are not yours.”
Maligning the ex-spouse is another item on the list. In this case, the woman disrespected the author’s late mother by throwing out all her photos.
According to clinical psychologist Dr. JoAnn Pedro-Carroll, such actions can only damage the child’s psyche, especially if they are repeated messages or actions.
Assuming a position of authority is another mistake mentioned by experts, which the woman made with her controlling behavior. Research has shown that authoritarian parenting isn’t as effective on teenagers because they will likely reject such attempts, which the author did.
Keeping distance from family members is sometimes necessary
Image credits: Alex Urezkov/Pexels (not the actual photo)
While estrangement among family members is unfortunate, it is sometimes necessary. According to psychology professor Dr. Leslie Halpern, it’s usually when the child no longer benefits from the relationship and the parent is incapable of curtailing negative interactions.
“There is no point to continue to maintain a hurtful relationship,” Dr. Halpern said in an interview.
If the situation calls for distancing oneself or cutting ties, family counselor Andrew Roffman advises evaluating the type of relationship you want to establish. Doing so may make things less toxic, especially since blood relations are indelible.
“Family relationships continue on an emotional level whether we are actively in contact or not,” he said.
Roffman adds that putting yourself in the family member’s shoes could also provide possible explanations for their unacceptable behavior, which could ultimately ease the lasting effects of hurtful actions.
In the author’s case, he chose to distance himself since both his father and stepmother have gone against him and continue to harass him even after moving out. It would help him cope and improve his mental health.
What’s your take, readers? Was the young man spiteful, as his parents accused him? Or were his actions warranted?
Most people in the comments sided with the author
But some people had rather controversial takes
