Proper communication, mutual respect, and healthy boundaries—all of these things help ensure that your relationship is solid. However, if some (or even all) of those elements suddenly go missing, things can get a bit tricky. It’s paramount that both partners are on the same page as often as possible. Especially regarding each other’s in-laws.
Internet user u/marijcxx, a digital nomad, turned to the AITA subreddit for some honest advice about a bit of recent relationship drama. She opened up about how she called out her husband, who, without consulting her, invited his mom to join them on a two-week trip. Check out what happened as you scroll down.
Bored Panda has reached out to the author of the story via Reddit, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from her.
Going on a trip with just your spouse, or having your in-laws there with you are two wildly different experiences
Image credits: Gustavo Fring (not the actual photo)
A woman asked the net for some honest advice after finding out that her husband invited his mother on their trip, in secret
Image credits: Tim Douglas (not the actual photo)
She immediately called her spouse out for his behavior, which led to a huge argument
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
Image source: marijcxx
Transparency is fundamentally important to keeping your relationships healthy
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
Arguments don’t last forever. Sooner or later, both partners will need to find a way to move past their fight, no matter how intense and important it is.
Just because you argue doesn’t necessarily mean there’s anything wrong… so long as the fights are civil. It’s vital to remember that you’re on the same team. Even if your opinions sometimes don’t match up, that’s just part of what being in a relationship (with anyone!) is like.
But any successful relationship requires a give-and-take mentality, as well as trust, honesty, and transparency. In short, you shouldn’t make decisions that will directly affect your partner without first consulting your partner. Or at least giving them some sort of heads up.
After all, as many of us know, a trip with your significant other is an entirely different experience from a vacation where someone else joins. Even if they’re a beloved family member, dear friend, or friendly colleague, their very presence changes the vibe.
It’s not that inviting someone else along on the trip is a bad idea. It’s the fact that all of it is done behind the veil of secrecy. The question is, why?
It helps to remember that, as a couple, you’re meant to be on the same team
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
One relationship expert previously went into detail with Bored Panda about how couples can get closer to each other again after having a big fight. It’s very helpful to know how to navigate the so-called “post-argument hangover.”
“I recommend physical touch in the form of a hug or a 6-second kiss. The reason for this is co-regulation,” she explained to us in an earlier interview.
According to her, co-regulation is “how we self-soothe as infants; a baby cries and a caregiver comes to cuddle and soothe the baby.” This doesn’t change all that much after we grow up.
Meanwhile, “As adults, co-regulation is very powerful and something we can use to our advantage. So even though you may not feel like hugging or kissing your partner post-argument, as soon as you can bring yourself to do so, go for it. Your nervous system will thank you as it regulates with your partner’s nervous system by sensing their heart rate and breathing.”
Privacy and secrecy are two very different things. If you’re ever in doubt, put yourself in your partner’s shoes
Image credits: Diva Plavalaguna (not the actual photo)
However, aside from all of that, it’s inevitable that you’ll have to sit down and have a friendly but direct conversation about what happened.
It might be awkward, but it’s a wonderful opportunity to get on the same page regarding your expectations for one another. For instance, you could talk about how being left out of the loop makes you feel disrespected. You can then promise each other to communicate more openly and frequently, no matter the topic.
That said, complete openness and honesty are impossible and, well, not even desirable past a certain point (any fans of ‘The Invention of Lying’?). There’s nothing wrong with having a bit of privacy in your life. Nor is it wrong to want to spend some time alone, or just with your partner, away from everyone else.
The general rule of thumb is that privacy turns to secrecy when your decisions and behavior begin affecting your loved ones. Try to see things from their perspective. A bit of extra empathy and communication never goes amiss!
How would you react if your partner suddenly invited your in-laws on a trip that was supposed to involve just the two of you? How do you and your significant others make sure to communicate more and respect each other’s boundaries, dear Pandas? We’d really love to hear your thoughts on all of this. If you have a spare moment, why not share them in the comments?
As the story spread online, many readers wanted to share their thoughts. They were very supportive of the author
