We all know what we’re in store for tonight – a nude photo “scandal” – which is somehow a MAFS storyline in 2022.
Everyone’s packing up shop at Home Stays. Ballarat Paris has become very Eastern Suburbs and bought Brent a green juice to his studio apartment.
In Sydney, Sam is topping up Bebe Al‘s Malaga Wine nails and I’ve got to say, this man-child has some beautiful hands, doesn’t he? Sam tells Bebe Al that nail polish does not have a gender, which is correct, but why are we acting like this is the first time Al has gotten the O.P.I treatment?
In summary, Bebe Al and Sam have had a good week of drinking beers on the beach, which I believe to be illegal behaviour.
Selina says she is missing Cody‘s Batman sheets which is a blatant lie. She is fixing his hair yet again and honey, at this point, just give up. It’s got a mind of its own and something tells me you’re not getting paid for this overtime.
Meanwhile, Baby Seal is accidentally putting his hand up @badgalella‘s anoos, pausing only so they can stare at themselves in the mirror.
Jackson is about to embark on another sailing ship after being told the gym is a no-go zone.
Olivia reckons Princess Bogan is so “below” her in terms of “morals” and “general morality” which is the same thing but go off, demon.
Nice Guy is appreciating how good Princess Bogan’s “titties” look in her dress but I can’t look at her because I am blinded by her disco-ball eyes. Meanwhile, Sam is preparing for her role in the 75th Annual Hunger Games.
Everyone’s talking about ~ the photo ~ except Bebe Al who is none the wiser. Olivia confirms she does her due diligence and googles people she hates. She reckons she stumbled upon the OnlyFans account through research of her arch nemesis.
She thinks the photo was easy to find and that she’s not here to “slut-shame” which, make no mistake, is exactly what she’s doing.
We’re at the dinner party.
Olivia thinks Princess Bogan has sucked and goodness out of Nice Guy. She has no respect for Nice Guy simply because he is associated with Princess Bogan.
Olivia also thinks that she and Princess Bogan were friends up until the glass-breaking incident. Lol. Olivia says the photo is not a big deal even though she is making it a big deal.
Meanwhile, Nice Guy and Princess Bogan are breaking out in dance to the Spice Girls which just makes me sadder that I did not locate Nice Guy before she did.
Our power couple walk in and the girls say that Princess Bogan looks nervous to which Olivia says, “She should!”
Princess Bogan says hi to Olivia. Olivia replies, “How are you” with no question mark.
Everyone proceeds to have dinner and Alessandra feels dirty knowing about the photo. Fair. It’s a really low blow from Olivia to share a photo intended for a private forum, but also to rally troops to imply it’s a big dirty secret.
Bebe Al appears to be behaving if you don’t count that he’s eating the Bok choy with his hands.
Out of absolutely bloody nowhere Cody tells Princess Bogan that everyone’s seen a photo of her naked on a couch. Cody says he “hates” to bring it up, while absolutely loving bringing it up.
Cody asks Nice Guy if he knew that Princess Bogan had an OnlyFans account and the implication that this must be embarrassing for him makes me unwell.
Cody is an entitled knob and his circle are the types to print the nude on a canvas via Kmart’s photo desk and hang it above a pallet bed.
“I’m aware, yeah, I don’t really care,” Nice Guy tells Cody, confirming he’s known since the first or second week. He says what’s more concerning, is the fact that this image is circulating.
So very true. This is private content that OnlyFans has rules about distributing.
Princess Bogan is clearly taken aback, as you would be. She asks if everyone’s seen the photo. Brent says it wasn’t sent to him but he’s seen it.
Jackson doesn’t “think” it was circulated and “it was just shown in passing”. This admission is making it sound like the photo was passed around in a room. Which is just as fucked.
Nice Guy is deservedly off it. He asks: “Surely you guys see what’s wrong with that?!”
I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: FUCK I LOVE NICE GUY.
@badgalella, the best friend anyone could ever possibly have, didn’t know about the photo. She tells the group that the right thing would’ve been to tell Princess Bogan ahead of the dinner party.
Ballarat Paris finds the opportunity to make this entire situation about her. She’s concerned about how she’s coming across and thinks it’s “so unfair” to be reprimanded for seeing the photo and not telling Princess Bogan. Did I miss the part where these two stopped being friends?
“No, it’s not fucking unfair. No, it’s simply not,” Nice Guy responds. “When it was brought up just then, it was, ‘Everyone has seen a photo of you naked.’ So at the moment, what I want to know is who sent the photo.”
Olivia is speaking. She’s going to fess up.
I spoke too soon.
“So I’ll be honest, when we had our thing, my friends googled you. They showed me that, and I mentioned it to Selina.”
YOU PIECE OF SHIT, OLIVIA.
You don’t need a poo-brown dress to make you look like a downright turd. You do that all on your own dollface.
Ella is roleplaying the fake situation Olivia has come up with in front of the camera. Someone give this woman an Oscar.
Princess Bogan, who has been sitting quite shellshocked for a while now, is ready to say something.
“I’ve got no issue with people knowing that I’ve done that, and I told Jack from day one,” Princess Bogan explains.
“This issue here is I don’t know how you thought that was any of your business to spread that around. If people wanted to google me, they could google me. But you clearly sent that. That’s gossip and that’s –”
“No judgement, girls. It’s 2021 you can do what you want with your body,” Olivia says, like she’s granting everyone permission or some shit.
Olivia no comprenday. She thinks she’s being “yelled at” even though Princess Bogan has not raised her voice once within a situation that completely fucking warrants it.
Ballarat Paris, who has made it known that she does not engage in nudes, is back in the conversation and trying to justify her actions.
“I’m sorry but you put it out there. You put your photo there. You created an Only Fans,” Ballarat Paris tells Princess Bogan.
“This is what people who put their nude photos online – like they’ve got to cop this back. If you put it out there for people to see, like you’ve got to own it.”
Um, no. She did not put it out there for “people to see”. Do some research on OnlyFans and then report back, Ballarat Paris.
The slut-shaming is REAL tonight. Princess Bogan tells the cameras: “If they are slut-shaming, I’ll wear it like a badge of honour, because my body, my choice, bitch.”
GOOD PRINCESS BOGAN.
WE LOVE YOU.
PLS MAKE SO MANY PROGRESSIVE BABIES WITH NICE GUY.
“Whatever’s on the internet, stays on the internet and I get that. I’m not stupid,” Princess Bogan declares to Ballarat Paris. “It’s the fact that you sent it around.”
@badgalella asks Princess Bogan for a chat because she is a self-aware queen who knows any person would need a breather after this type of treatment.
They have a good, healthy and productive bitch-wow about Olivia being a psychopath who engages in revenge porn. It’s all of us at home and it’s beautiful sisterhood areas.
But they can hear everything back at the table, including but not limited to Olivia saying, “She did it to herself. She dug that hole herself.”
Jackson makes a comment about enjoying sitting back and seeing all of this go down. Princess Bogan, who has returned to the table, is bloody well off it now.
Cody has the audacity to open his mouth after facilitating this entire shitstorm with zero awareness, but Princess Bogan politely(?) tells him to shut his mouth. “You’re a dickhead! Sit there and shut up because I’m not talking to you right now.”
SOMEONE HAD TO TELL HIM, RIGHT? I’m sorry Uncle John, still love you, but your nephew is in fact a bit of a backward dickhead.
Princess Bogan, who is now riled up, decides to address Olivia, the googler.
Olivia is being extremely Olivia, smiling in the most condescending way I ever did see someone smile.
“Keep going. I’m not going to respond, I’m just going to let you yell yourself out,” Olivia tells Princess Bogan.
CRICKETS.
Dom leaves. Jack follows.
“It’s always me,” Olivia tells the group. “It’s because I’m low-hanging fruit for her now. She always always has to find someone she can go and go and go and go at, and I’m that for her.”
Olivia has no regrets because she is an asshole. She thinks Princess Bogan “deserves it”.
Resting John Face is going to hold everyone accountable at the commitment ceremony and I’m literally counting down the minutes. Tonight’s episode of MAFS, to me, was more fucked up than anything I’ve seen on this show to date.
The group absolutely fucking failed Princess Bogan and women at large. It was disgusting to watch and I’m just glad people like Princess Bogan, @badgalella and Nice Guy exist.
See you Sunday, where Princess Bogan rocks up to Olivia’s door.
Chantelle Schmidt is a freelance writer. You can tell her how much you hate these MAFS recaps on IG here.
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