I'm writing this peering out the window as Possum X swings like a trapeze artist trying to get to the climbing Iceberg rose just out of his reach. Each time he misses, he gives an angry "Hfff".
The climbing Iceberg is growing up a pergola post. Possums regard pergola posts as highways, unless you do something sneaky like putting a possum guard around it - either made of stuff like the metal scourers you clean burnt saucepans with, or a metal collar they can't climb over.
But why bother? We have three rose varieties growing up pergola posts. Possum X nibbles all in reach, but then the roses put out long branches that dangle the roses just out of reach. We may get fewer roses but we do get nightly entertainment from Possum X.
Possum X, on the other hand, regards us as mere nuisances, whose laughter if we have guests for afternoon tea wakes him up far too early. He huffs and stomps and occasionally screams in fury, which startles some visitors, till we explain it's not the local bunyip, just Possum X in his nest above us.
Possum X also keeps away all other possums. Possums usually mate for life, but I suspect Ms X moved out long ago, despite the succulence of our apples and roses. You can only take so much shrieking and yelling at any other possum who dares enter the territory.
The secret of good pest control is to be very sure if your "pest" really is a threat to your garden. I walked through a field of white butterflies this afternoon. It was sheer, utter magic, like something out of a fantasy movie. An inspection of the kale, however, showed that most of it has been eaten by caterpillars, the ones who will turn into more white butterflies.
This is fine by me. I don't like kale much, even deep-fried till crisp and lightly salted. Let's face it, anything edible tastes good deep-fried and lightly salted, and just about all of it tastes better than kale. Why waste calories deep-frying kale? I add some in almost homeopathic quantities to soups and stews, or disguise it in a curry, or juice it, but only because it is good for me. If the medical profession ever decides that eating kale is unhealthy, I am going to be extremely annoyed.
In other words, there is quite enough kale for us as well as a host of caterpillars. The caterpillars on the native limes are welcome to most of the leaves, too, especially as they seem to fruit even if most of their leaves have been munched.
I'm not sure who is eating many of our cherry tomatoes - I know the bower birds are guilty, but I think there are other thieves as well. I hope they bring their friends, and soon, or I will need to make tomato kasundi or tomato passata and we still have some of last years' and anyway, I can't be bothered.
There are always many ways around any pest problem. We could cover our tomatoes with anti-fruit fly mesh, which would not only keep off birds, fruit fly, and possums, but also hail, as well as keeping in enough of the soil's warmth to give us possibly another month of cropping into winter.
A mineral oil spray on young corn cobs is enough to keep caterpillars out, without using anything lethal. Even the caterpillars on the kale could be halted simply by spraying on flour and water, though that is lethal - at least to the caterpillars - but not to the birds who might eat them.
So many pest "problems" don't really matter. Lerps on the gum trees - little raised lumps - aren't going to kill the tree, and actually can make gum leaves look more diverse and interesting. Pear and cherry slug can kill very young trees - try spraying them with flour and water, too, or throw the contents of your vacuum cleaner over the young trees, so the debris clings to the "slugs", which are not actually slugs at all.
That coating is usually enough to kill them, though nothing will mend the holes they have left. The pear and cherry trees should then put out more leaves, and once they are taller than you are, they'll outgrow any pest attack. If spotted pear or cherry leaves are going to bother you, plant them down the back or behind the shed.
Tree banding grease around the trunk and main branches will stop the ants bringing woolly aphids onto your roses or citrus. A few squashed stink bugs on young citrus trees (wear gloves) will provide enough stench to ward off other stink bugs, especially if you pick up the ripe fruit whose scent is attracting them.
Think, and you'll find an easy and usually non-lethal solution. We humans are an inventive lot, though sadly the animal world doesn't seem to share our opinion of ourselves as top of the food chain. I have to get out of the car and nudge the water dragon who likes to snooze on our driveway - the car itself isn't enough of a threat, nor is beeping the horn or revving the engine. Even with a nudge, he just moves to the edge of the road, waiting till I pass.
The best pest control for your garden is probably a pot of tea, a plate of warm scones, and very good jam. Drink the tea, eat the scones and either gossip, discuss the world, or read a book, enjoying the butterflies, and never considering the caterpillars from whence they came.
This week I am:
- Watching spire after spire of golden ginger lilies appear.
- Making 'pesto' with roasted cashews instead of pine nuts to eat fresh and freeze, because we have lots of spare cashews and no pine nuts this year, as well as the usual late summer feast of basil.
- Planting anise hyssop for its mauve blooms, bright green leaves and fragrant anise-flavoured leaves, excellent to flavour a tea or in cooking.
- Searching for my spare pair of glasses that dropped off in the zucchini patch. We have only four zucchini plants, so there isn't a lot of ground to search, though four plants give all the zucchini Bryan and I need, and more.
- Admiring our dahlias, and everyone else's dahlias. It turns out that a summer with regular rain and not too much heat is exactly what dahlias adore. I have never seen such giant blooms, except in Christchurch, New Zealand, which seems blessed with perfect dahlia weather. Note to self: remember to water the dahlias when the next drought comes along.
- Not planting more lettuce, leeks, carrots, broccoli, broccolini, red cabbage and Savoy cabbages for winter, but knowing that I should.
- Stop the press: two possums are galloping across the roof. Has Possum X finally found true love, or is he just chasing off a would-be intruder?
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