Motorcycles are like women – fabulous curves, endlessly exciting and inspiring a lifetime of passion in spite of occasional disastrous crashes.
And like women, some are instantly thrilling, but difficult to live with long-term, whereas others take a while for the flame to burst into life, like a winter fire of damp wood.
And so it was with the Transalp. Starting out on a damp Portuguese morning, the combination of slippery roads, light steering caused by that 21in front wheel and the soft long-travel suspension which is a given on any adventure bike with off-road aspirations made progress such a sluggish and nervous affair that I was all for giving up this biking lark and becoming a writer for Tiddlywinks Monthly magazine.
The weird thing was that I’d loved the Hornet, which has the same engine, but this was a different kettle of ball games altogether.
It’s taller, with a bigger front wheel, more relaxed geometry and softer suspension, so if the Hornet is a taut, fit jockey, this is a slightly lazy basketball player.
I was still trying to work things out when we stopped for a coffee, so I sat down and gave myself a good talking to.
And then things changed quite quickly for the better. The roads dried out, and I went back to the basics of leaning forward, dropping my elbows to take the weight off the bars, and looking up to where I wanted to go.
And it soon became obvious that this wasn't a bike for dashing about on like a sportsbike, but a machine for a day of smooth, flowing and relaxed touring.
For a start, the seating position is classic adventure tourer – upright and neutral, with good wind protection, decent mirrors and a nifty little 5in TFT screen which has Bluetooth connectivity and all the info you need displayed clearly, including which mode you’re in – Rain, Standard, Sport, Gravel or User, the latter for bespoke tweaking.
The best bit about the bike, as in the Hornet, is that gem of an engine, with such a flat torque curve from basement revs that even in Standard mode, on the mountain roads of the launch, helped by the bike only weighting 208kg wet, it pulled seamlessly in third gear on everything from uphill hairpins to 85mph straights.
A brief shower was a good excuse to try Rain mode, which like all the others gives maximum power, but more gently, whereas Sport allows you to hustle on a bit and Standard is best for touring, especially with a passenger.
Browse more than 19,000 new and used bikes for sale at Autotrader.co.uk/bikes
I didn’t get to try Gravel, since Alex the lead rider, who rides everywhere effortlessly at 200mph, came back from the wet off-road section and pronounced it slippier than the Sarejevo ice rink where Torvill and Dean won that gold medal in 1984.
So after a dodgy start, the more I rode it the more I liked it. It’s the perfect midrange adventure tourer at a perfect midrange price - £3,500 cheaper than Honda’s own Africa Twin, which is 18kg heavier and only 9bhp more powerful. It can also be restricted for A2 licence holders.
Accessories include a taller screen, although I’m 6ft 7ins and found the standard one, fine, and 100 litres of luggage, and the range is a useful 250 miles or so.
“Well, what did you think?” said my buddy Toad as we sat down for a beer afterwards outside the hotel.
“It grew on me, although even at the end of the day that quickshifter was a bit clunky,” I said.
“You know you can go into the sub-menus and change it from hard to medium or soft?” he said.
I sighed, realised I’d never be a proper biker, and went to get another couple of beers.
There are helmets – and then there’s this
The first helmet I bought was a Davida Jet open-face in 1998, for riding an Enfield from India back to the UK for my book Way to Go.
I still have it and love it for retro rides, but beside the Forcite Mk1S I’ve just acquired, it’s like a stick compared to the Space Shuttle.
It’s made of carbon fibre, with plush lining, so incredibly light and superbly comfortable, but what’s amazing about it is the built-in tech.
I mean, get this – a 1080p 60fps HD camera built into the chin, and speakers inside made by Harman Kardon, a respected hi-fi brand which provides car speakers for Mercedes and BMW.
It’s also got navigation, phone and music via an app on your phone, with audio for the nav and a light display along the top of the chin bar which alerts you to turns, traffic jams, police and speed cameras.
The nav works perfectly, although the default voice is a nice American woman called Kendra who kept telling me it was 400m to my stopover, so I’ve now dumped her for a lovely English girl called Amy who talks in miles and yards.
Streaming music, the sound quality is extremely impressive – and I speak as the owner of a home hi-fi which costs the same as a decent mid-range bike.
Even more astonishing, I worked out how to remove the visor and fit the supplied Pinlock insert to stop fogging.
As you’d expect, such an incredible piece of kit comes at a price, which is, gulp, £929. But then again, it’s the only helmet you’ll ever need.
Have a look at https://www.forcitehelmets.com/en-gb/mk1s/
Browse more than 19,000 new and used bikes for sale at Autotrader.co.uk/bikes
