OH LIONEL, OH RON
The results are in, and it turns out that nobody on the internet knew what they were talking about after all. You see, Tuesday’s events finally settled the argument that’s been raging since time immemorial: who is best? Is it Messi? Or is it Ronaldo? Well, it transpires that it’s neither. We now have incontrovertible proof that Messi is a glaikit waste of space who isn’t fit to lace Diego Maradona’s boots, and Ronaldo is such a loser that his club have got shot, its owners seemingly so desperate to disassociate themselves with him that they’ve decided to sell up for that one extra level of remove. That’s all decided, then. Everybody happy.
