Lily Allen is flogging butt plug–shaped USB sticks as merch for her new album West End Girl, and honestly, it’s so on‑brand it almost feels inevitable. They’re not actual sex toys, but they’re definitely designed to make you choke slightly on your morning coffee.
The 40‑year‑old has launched an online merch store to go with West End Girl (which dropped in October), and one of the standout bits is a limited‑run USB loaded with the album, designed to look like a blue‑and‑white polka‑dot butt plug that mirrors the Miu Miu jacket she wears on the cover.
It’ll set you back about $50.55 AUD, and the listing is very clear that it’s “a novelty USB device intended for data storage only”, so it’s there to back up your files, not your… anything else.
Allen leaned right into the chaos, plugging it on Instagram with a photo of herself holding the little polka‑dot number and a caption using the peach and electrical plug emojis, in case anyone somehow missed the visual gag.
The USBs are due to ship on 19 December, though there’s no guarantee they’ll rock up in time to stuff anyone’s Christmas stocking, which is probably for the best if your family opens presents all at once.
The whole thing isn’t just random for the sake of it; it’s a deliberate nod to “Pussy Palace”, one of the most talked‑about tracks on West End Girl.
In the song, Allen sings about walking into a partner’s West Village apartment and clocking the evidence that he’s been busy with other people: a Duane Reade bag “with the handles tied”, stuffed with “sex toys, butt plugs, lube inside”, plus “hundreds of Trojans” to really drive home the point.
Many people have speculated that the album tea is absolutely about Lily’s ex David Harbour who she was married to for four years until their split was confirmed earlier this year.
Producer and writer Blue May revealed that “Pussy Palace” came together fast, saying the lyrics were written in about an hour to an hour and a half, with the studio turning into a mini party complete with smoke machines, disco lights and everyone jumping around once they’d locked into the song’s energy.
“As soon as she was telling the story, what I was really imagining was this sinking feeling like we’ve all felt before, when suddenly something happens that completely spins your whole world around or that feeling like there’s nothing that you can do to sort of change the fact that this sudden event is going to change the course of your life,” May told PEOPLE.
So now West End Girl exists not just as a brutally honest breakup album but also as a tiny, polka‑dot desk ornament that will absolutely cement you into Team Lily Allen.
As long as everyone remembers that “data storage only” bit, it might be the most unhinged yet strangely perfect pop‑star merch drop of the year.
Lead image: Instagram / Lily Allen
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