THE NAME's Lanley, Lyle Lanley. And I come before you good people tonight with an idea. Probably the greatest-Aw, it's not for you. It's more a Shelbyville idea.
Mayor Quimby: Now, wait just a minute. We are twice as smart as the people of Shelbyville. Just tell us your idea and we will vote for it.
The above is an excerpt from what many fans of The Simpsons regard as the greatest episode of that groundbreaking animated series ever made - 'Marge vs. the Monorail'. Episode 12 of season four is now synonymous with contemporary hucksterism. Whenever a highfalutin transportation system or controversial development pops up, it can't escape comparisons to Lanley's genuine, bona fide, electrified, six-car monorail. I can't but help think of former NSW Minister for Transport Andrew Constance's unintentionally humorous impersonation of flim-flam man Lanley whenever I am waiting for the "seamless" connection between the inter-city train and the light rail.
One of my favourite episodes of The Novocastrians was 'Train Wreck at Operation Normal'.
This episode from February 2019 saw Mr Constance and then Premier Gladys Berejiklian make a rare visit to Newcastle. They were in the city to ensure locals had drunk the Kool-Aid and were well down the road to becoming eternally appreciative for their government's building of the light rail. Extras in this episode included then former Parliamentary Secretary for the Hunter "Noddy" Scot MacDonald.
Just on Scot MacDonald, it is contextually important for readers to recall that Mr MacDonald had starred in another outstanding episode a year earlier ('Selfie Stick Stitch-Up') when he bounced into a video being recorded by Maitland MP Jenny Aitchison. One celebrated film critic said Mr MacDonald "displayed the footwork dexterity of now semi-retired fast food clown mascot Ronald McDonald, skipping freely into Ms Aitchison's video at the installation of Maitland's first Return and Earn vending machine at Thornton BP". Sometimes when I am sad, I watch it repeatedly for the chemical-free mood-altering state it hypnotically provides.
In 'Train Wreck at Operation Normal', Mr MacDonald plays the role of the Numpty Noddy, moving his head up and down in agreement with the utterances of Andy and Gladys waxing lyrical about their great gift. He moves carefully to ensure his face remains visible in the frame, and does some wacky work with his eyes while rocking back and forth on his heels.
Inexplicably, there is also an uncredited schoolgirl in uniform in the frame staring down the camera's barrel - perhaps a sly nod to French New Wave cinema and its challenging experimentation with narrative convention.
In 'Train Wreck at Operation Normal', Newcastle Herald journalist Michael Parris leads Act 2 by not enthusiastically jumping aboard the happy clappy train.
"You committed four years ago to release a business case for the extension - we still have not seen it," Parris says to Mr Constance.
"Ah well, sorry which media outlet are you from?" asks Mr Constance.
Parris replies that he is from The Herald. Ms Berejiklian says: "Yeah, that's normal for them, yep. That's just, that's just Operation Normal, yeah, yeah, yeah." She then laughs while Mr Constance does his best smirky smirk. Smirky McSmirkface.
"You've got a city to be proud of, and, you know what, I think there's an obligation on the part of The Herald to be very positive about this town, because it is a wonderful, wonderful place. I just hope The Herald sees that," he added. "Town". Grrr.
His advice to The Herald that it has an obligation to be "very positive about this wonderful, wonderful place" was patronising, condescending and ignorant. The Herald has a proud history of celebrating the many achievements of people in Newcastle and the Hunter. It also has a proud history of asking tough questions that those in the flimflam business find uncomfortable.
Constance's retorts to Parris make 'Train Wreck at Operation Normal' compulsory viewing for those interested in the relations between government and media. Lecturing the media and singling out journalists for seeking to shine light in dark corners is never a good look for government or institutions. It rarely serves them well.
The inhabitants of the shiny edifice in Stewart Avenue might take that on board. Because they too have obligations to this city.
