Lauren Goodger has said that she is finally ready to be in a "happy, loving relationship" and that she would like a sibling for Larose as she marks the first anniversary of her daughter Lorena's tragic death.
The TOWIE star, 36, opened up in an emotional interview about her grief journey and says that she's changed since having her eldest daughter, who she co-parents with ex Charles Drury.
She also explained that she has been functioning on autopilot and that she hasn't been able to properly process her baby's death. However, now that it's finally registering, she says it's "really hard".
Speaking to OK! magazine, she said: "I’d like to be in a happy, loving relationship – I deserve that. I want another baby, I do. I want to be in love, I want to be happy again. I’m missing that. I’m really missing a man in my life – I’ve always had a boyfriend – and because my family relationship is really up and down.
“I don’t know what man I’m going to find. I’m not interested in going out, I don’t really want to drink, I just want to chill. I like staying in and being in bed at nine o’clock.
“I’m still fun, but I’m not the Faces Lauren, living her best life, I’m now mum Lauren. This is really new to me. Whenever I’ve got in a relationship, it’s just me. But now I’ve got a daughter I’m a different person. I’m a mum and a woman – I’ve grown.”
Lauren explained that it's "really hard" being a single parent but that she would never stop her daughter from seeing her dad and that she's trying to make it work best for her.
Following the trauma of her daughter Lorena's death, she said that it was particularly difficult to deal with what would have been her first steps like walking and talking. She also said that it would have also been nice for Larose to have a little sister to play with.
And while her family and friends rallied around her in the direct aftermath, she has found it more difficult recently. Despite reaching out, as she is craving that comfort, no one talks to her about Lorena's death.
"I just find it a bit strange. That’s the truth. I’m not knocking anyone. I feel people think I’m quite strong. I am strong, but I’m also human," she said.
Yet, Lauren admits she "wouldn't be here without Larose" and that she wouldn't have been able to carry on without her.
She also revealed that she has no plans to mark Lorena's first death anniversary after her "awful" Mother's Day.
Lauren added: "I’m 100% going to light her candle, let off a lantern and do stuff beforehand, but I don’t know if I’m going to make it into a meal with family, or have people at my house. I don’t really want to be on my own."
If you have been affected by this story, advice and support can be found at childbereavementuk.org or you can call them on 0800 02 888 40
