Jimmy Kimmel
Jimmy Kimmel opened Tuesday’s monologue with jabs at Donald Trump’s new book, which includes letters from various celebrities, many of them thanking him for campaign donations in the past. “It’s like he just showed up at a publisher’s office and dumped a bunch of envelopes on their desk,” said Kimmel.
In an interview with Newsmax, Trump claimed the book, which is being sold for $99.99 each, includes “beautiful” letters from such figures as Rosie O’Donnell, Hillary Clinton and others. “I think people are going to learn a lot from this book,” he said.
“Right, it will probably be taught in Florida schools,” Kimmel joked.
Also this week, Joe Biden announced his intent to run for re-election. If elected, he would be 82 years old for his second term. “His face could be on money while he’s still in office,” Kimmel joked.
Assuming Trump remains the Republican frontrunner, that would make the 2024 election a contest between men who are 76 and 80 years old, respectively. “You know who else lets the oldest males run their society? Gorillas,” Kimmel noted.
Kimmel also followed up on Tucker Carlson’s ouster from Fox News, which reportedly blindsided the star anchor, who had “no idea” why he was fired. “I have some ideas,” said Kimmel. “I have like about 778 million ideas of why.”
Kimmel wondered what Carlson did on his first morning without his prime-time show. “Did he wake up and scream a lot of stuff into a bowl of oatmeal?”
Seth Meyers
On Late Night, Seth Meyers reacted to Biden’s announcement of his re-election campaign. “Can you imagine if it’s Biden versus Trump again? That’s like going into a diner and the only things on the menu are two-day old egg salad and Donald Trump. I guess I’ll take my chances with the egg salad.”
In his announcement, Biden encouraged supporters with “let’s finish the job”.
“Yeah, good idea. It would be nice to have a country where a guy could safely retire before he’s 86,” Meyers quipped.
According to reports, the Fox News CEO, Suzanne Scott, did not tell Tucker Carlson why he was fired, but said the decision was made “from above”. “But come on, we know all the decisions at Fox News come from below,” Meyers joked over a picture of the devil.
And the Georgia prosecutor investigating Trump’s alleged election interference crimes in 2020 said that she would announce any charging decisions this summer. “I like that we’re spreading out Trump’s crimes and just micro-dosing indictments,” said Meyers. “Because when like Netflix drops an entire season at once, sure it’s fun that weekend, but then we have nothing to look forward to. Once a week is way better. Trump is the Abbott Elementary of criminals.”
The Daily Show
Tucker was fired ten minutes before it was announced publicly? That's barely enough time to pack up his Nazi memorabilia! pic.twitter.com/wnCgdoUOMU
— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) April 26, 2023
On the Daily Show, guest host Desi Lydic looked deeper into Fox News’s shock firing of Carlson. The network reportedly informed the anchor of his exit only 10 minutes before they announced it publicly, “which is so cold,” said Lydic. “I mean, that’s barely enough time to pack up all his Nazi memorabilia.”
“Not to mention, he was Fox’s most popular anchor, and they still fired him,” she continued. “That’d be like if MSNBC fired … well … imagine there was a show people watched on MSNBC. It would be like firing them!
“I know people love making fun of Tucker, but put yourself in his shoes,” she added. “Say you’re this massive piece of shit with no real friends and you’ve got a giggle like a Tickle Me Elmo and a dumb floppy haircut and you always have your mouth hanging open like you’re drying your teeth …”
She lost her train of thought, but recovered with “Tucker’s an asshole.”
It’s still unclear why Carlson was fired. “Maybe it was election lies that cost Fox News $787m,” said Lydic. “Maybe it was insulting his bosses in private texts. Maybe it was his overall vibe of creepy dad driving the babysitter home.”
Or maybe it was his repeated use of the C-word at work, as per the report by the Daily Beast in which sources said it was used “all the time”.
“How do you use the C-word at the office all the time?” Lydic wondered. “It’s OK. Tucker’s allowed to say the C-word because he is one.”
