Jimmy Kimmel
Late-night discussed more strife in Washington this week, as the former congresswoman and anti-Trump Republican Liz Cheney released her new book, Oath and Honor. It is “being billed as a memoir and a warning”, said Jimmy Kimmel on Tuesday evening. “The warning is that another four years of Trump will lead to another four years of annoying books about Trump,” he added.
The book has particularly harsh words for the former president. “Usually, the only women who hate him this much were married to him,” Kimmel quipped.
Despite Kimmel’s fatigue with Trump books, Oath and Honor ranked No 1 on Amazon, ahead of Snoop Dogg’s cookbook from 2018. “How is that possible?” Kimmel wondered. “Busiest shopping week of the year, a five-year-old book about tater tots is No 2? How stoned are these people?”
In other congressional news, the new speaker of the House, Mike Johnson, “has worked very hard behind the scenes to facilitate Trump’s claims that the election was rigged, and he’s still at it”, said Kimmel.
As “part of an ongoing effort to pretend the insurrection was no big deal”, Johnson announced the release of footage from January 6, because “House Republicans trust the American people to draw their own conclusions,” said Johnson.
“Oh yeah, you can definitely trust us to draw our own conclusions,” Kimmel deadpanned. “Yeah, maybe the American people will say, ‘Ah, now I get it, Mike Pence should’ve been hung!’”
Johnson said faces would be blurred to avoid “retaliation”, AKA more charges by the Department of Justice.
“Exactly, we want transparency so we’re going to blur out all the faces of the people who were there,” said Kimmel. “These people weren’t trying to hurt anybody! Ted Cruz is only hiding in the supply closet because he loves the smell of a mop. The last thing we want to do is send the message that Americans can’t try to overthrow their government any more. We have to protect them from the law enforcement we work so hard to pretend to support.”
Seth Meyers
Meanwhile, Donald Trump attacked Robert De Niro for criticizing him in a recent awards speech, saying “very much like Crooked Joe Biden, he can’t put two sentences together”.
“As opposed to Trump, who’s about to put four sentences together,” Seth Meyers quipped on Late Night. “He’s just jealous because De Niro’s Casino was successful.”
The Republican National Committee is set to host the fourth presidential debate on Wednesday night, hosted by the cable channel NewsNation, the conservative political journal the Washington Free Beacon, The Megyn Kelly Show and the video hosting service Rumble. “So in other words, look for it wherever you get your computer viruses,” Meyers joked.
The disgraced former congressman George Santos, who was voted out of the House last week, has joined Cameo and is charging $200 for personalized videos. “This is cool, if you check your credit card statement, you may have already bought one,” Meyers joked.
And the genetic testing site 23andMe confirmed that hackers stole personal data from more than 7 million customers. “Users of the site are reported to be feeling 88% violated and 12% Irish,” said Meyers.
The Daily Show
Santos was kicked out of Congress for stealing credit cards, and now people are giving him their credit cards to make videos?! pic.twitter.com/9kC7d8wYTz
— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) December 6, 2023
Santos may have been expelled from Congress last Friday, “but he’s already found a new way to stay in our hearts and social media feeds forever”, said Charlamagne Tha God on the Daily Show.
As of this week, the former New York congressman is charging $200 a pop on Cameo for personalized messages. “That guy is very good at Cameo, he’s good at public speaking, he’s relatable, he has a personal touch,” said Charlamagne. “You know what? He should run for Congress.
“It makes sense that George Santos is a star on Cameo, and knowing his history of lying, he’s probably also a cardiologist on Teledoc, too,” he added.
Charlamagne noted that he had no issue with Santos going on Cameo. “The man is a hustler. And that’s what he does.
“What I do have a problem with is all the people paying him for Cameos,” he continued. “Like, come on, America. You wonder why everyone in government is behaving so badly? It’s because we’re rewarding bad behavior. This dude gets kicked out of Congress for stealing credit cards and now we’re giving him our credit cards to make videos about how he stole credit cards?”
