Jimmy Kimmel
Jimmy Kimmel took in the state of Washington DC on Tuesday evening, as “the swamp has somehow begun to drain itself”, with nearly 40 members of Congress announcing plans to retire at the end of their terms. “Which is very unusual,” said Kimmel. “I mean, some members are retiring because the House and the Senate have become gridlocked by partisanship, but most of them just want to get away from Lauren Boebert and Ted Cruz.”
That, and avoiding the grind of fundraising for re-election every two years. “The unfortunate secret about being a congressman that people don’t know is that you spend most of your time calling and begging for money,” Kimmel explained. “You’re basically a telemarketer who gets to decide if we occasionally send money to Ukraine.”
In other congressional news, lawyers for Joe Biden’s son Hunter told a Republican-led committee that he is prepared to be questioned at their impeachment inquiry next month – but only if the hearings are held in public.
“Republicans don’t want that,” Kimmel noted. “They don’t want it on TV. They’re like ‘if we don’t do this behind closed doors, how are we supposed to make stuff up?’”
The chair of the oversight committee, James Comer, tried to publicly slam Hunter Biden for demanding special treatment: “Hunter Biden is trying to play by his own rules instead of following the rules required of everyone else. That won’t stand with House Republicans.”
“Which is, of course, hilarious for about 10,000 different reasons,” said Kimmel. “Even though we’ve seen no evidence, and they’ve seen no evidence, that Joe Biden had anything to do with this, Hunter and the laptop – this will not go away. Joe Biden could become the first president ever to get impeached because his son didn’t have Apple Care.
“These guys are so desperate to smear Joe Biden, they are literally now grasping at straws,” he added, pointing to a recent Fox News clip in which the host Jesse Watters criticized Biden for drinking a milkshake through a straw. Using a straw is “not a good look”, he said, because “men should never suck anything through a straw”.
“Really? Is that a thing now?” Kimmel wondered. “Anyone feel like Jesse Watters might be going through some sort of an identity crisis?”
The Daily Show
Trump acting like he cares about abortion rights is like the Kool-Aid man suddenly caring about walls. @michelleisawolf pic.twitter.com/pTIm0phvBd
— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) November 29, 2023
And on the Daily Show, the guest host Michelle Wolf laughed at Donald Trump’s pivot on abortion rights after gutting access as president. “You guys remember how Donald Trump killed Roe v Wade right after he killed Ruth Bader Ginsburg, I presume,” she said. “Well now, Trump is making the strategic decision to run as a moderate on abortion.”
Trump going moderate on abortion after stacking the supreme court with the conservative majority that overturned Roe is “like the Kool-Aid man suddenly caring about walls”, she continued. “It’s too late, dude! The damage is done, you big red bitch.
“Don’t let anyone tell you that abortion is not popular in this country,” she added. “Even the man who killed them [sic] is acting like he supports them.”
