Who’s the king of the castle? And who’s the treacherous rascal? Each Wednesday, ahead of the new batch of three episodes of the hit BBC show, we’ll be recapping the intrigue, making predictions and breaking down the major talking points. Let the backstabbing begin …
1 That killer cliffhanger
Nooooo! You could virtually hear the howls of frustration from sofas nationwide when the credits rolled. I’m sure the cliffhangers weren’t this devilish during the debut series. This year’s opening instalment ended with the fourth traitor about to be uncloaked. Episode two teased us the identity of their second murder victim. And then came the most agonising of all.
Me storming into Tim Davie’s office on Monday to have a word about that Traitor’s cliffhanger pic.twitter.com/HsKzyB8r7n
— Dora (@doraexploring) January 6, 2024
After a rollercoaster roundtable which saw accusations fly in all directions, a dead heat and a dramatic second round of voting, we left with Ash and Brian on six votes apiece, Diane on three. Only gilet-clad chess coach Anthony was left to turn over his chalkboard. Who will he vote to be banished? I doubt it’ll be Diane because he’s keen to build bridges with his former nemesis. Will he be swayed by Brian’s bizarro meltdown or the widespread wariness of chatty Ash’s motives? I fear for Ash.
2 Mother and son mic drop
It was a bombshell plot twist worthy of EastEnders (“You ain’t my muvver!” “Yes I am!”). Traitor Paul and faithful Diane’s red hair sparked speculation in the castle that they might secretly be related. “Paul just couldn’t be my son,” insisted retired teacher Diane. Pause for impact. “But Ross is.” An instant meme was born.
“Paul just couldn’t be my son….. but Ross is” is this years “It’s……. Rebecca Vardy’s account” #TheTraitors
— B-List At Capital (@BListAtCapital) January 5, 2024
Viewers were blind-sided. For a start, they have different accents. Hers is Irish, her fellow faithful’s is Lancastrian. But were clues being dropped all along? On the steam train up to Ardross Castle, Diane casually asked video director Ross why he’d applied for the show. He replied “Funnily enough, my mum signed me up.” She smirked knowingly, later mentioning that she’d “watched series one with her children”.
"but ross is" x chromatica ii into 911 #thetraitors pic.twitter.com/Y0NY35YIgi
— icelandic nu-metal indie jazz folk band stan (@getwellsoongeri) January 6, 2024
When Ross complained about his mum’s Sunday roasts in front of Diane, it was an impressive piece of acting on both sides. Eliminated contestant Kyra has since said that his glasses are a disguise and when Ross takes them off, the family resemblance is much more obvious. Naturally, they’ve been nicknamed “Diana Ross”. Bonus fact: Diane’s other son is actor Kerr Logan, best known as Matthew, Robin’s fiance, in Strike, and Matthos Seaworth in Game of Thrones.
Might more hidden connections come to light? Don’t rule it out. Remember magician Tom and actor Alex being a secret couple last series? Maybe Zack and the owl are an item.
3 ‘Silence please!’
We love it when La Winkle is mean and masterful. Our host often seems exasperated by roundtable idiocy. She was clearly cheesed off when the brilliant Sonja became the first voted out. “You just banished a really, really smart faithful,” she told the gutted guessers. Her face during Brian’s wobble was also a picture.
After disability model Mollie voted to banish Anthony, he smoothly reassured her: “You’re being brave. That’s what this roundtable is for.” Claudia basically told him to shut up and stop interrupting the ballot. Even the edited scene was 20 minutes, so strewth knows how long it took to film. She probably wanted a nap.
4 Traitors turn on each other
Well, that didn’t take long. During the revote, Paul raised a sly eyebrow at Harry. Both promptly voted to boot out their fellow traitor Ash. Paul coldly reasoned that she’d let the cloaked side down. Only veterinary nurse Miles stayed loyal. If Ash survives by the skin of her teeth, the next nocturnal gathering in the traitors’ turret will be deliciously awkward. Bring it on.
5 Brian’s brainstorm
“What the hell was that reaction?” asked Charlotte, speaking for the nation. Glaswegian photographer Brian was rattled by being voted the most likely to be a “sheep”. The harder he insisted it didn’t bother him, the more it did. By the tense roundtable, the thin-skinned Harry Potter-alike admitted he was “crumbling”.
In a show all about maintaining a poker face, gibbering mess Brian wouldn’t have won a game of snap. He just didn’t know when to shush, digging himself into a deepening hole. “Is there anyone else here that is verging towards I am or amn’t?” he blurted nonsensically. “I would like to hear maybe more towards the I amn’t.” Cut to confused faces all round.
“Is it nerves or suppressed guilt?” asked ex-soldier Jonny. It was excruciating but somehow relatable to watch him unravel under pressure. Not everyone can be Logan Roy. Someone needs to be Cousin Greg. If it is to be said, so it be, so it is.
Hamlet: To be or not to be.
— local_celebrity (@local_celebrity) January 5, 2024
Brian from Traitors: I am or amn’t.
6 Barry the scene-stealing owl
The series began in splendidly camp style, with Claudia writing a scroll by candlelight while chatting to a Hedwig-style messenger owl. The scene-stealing raptor continued to pop up in cutaways, looking wise on the battlements. Claudia joked that its name was Barry, but it’s actually an Indian eagle owl called Sage. He usually gets hired out for weddings to fly up the aisle and deliver the rings. Twit twoo, I do.
7 Your money or your life
The Apprentice-style tasks remain the least interesting element of the show, but adding that immunity shield twist has helped keep this second series unpredictable. Three shields are up for grabs per mission, protecting against murder but not banishment. Zack, Jaz, Andrew and Anthony have already rubbed their fellow faithfuls up the wrong way by nabbing them.
Word is, there’s another big twist coming this week. As Claudia said before they entered the castle: “You think you know how this game works. You don’t.”
8 Harry: lip-lickingly good
Army engineer Harry – who admits he has “a face you either want to kiss or punch” – was desperate to be a traitor. He duly got his wish and has proved decent value. An evil Padawan to Darth Paul’s fully fledged Jedi.
However, social media erupted with “Ewws!” when Claudia touched blindfolded Harry’s shoulder in the selection meeting and he ostentatiously licked his lips, like Heath Ledger’s Joker meets Hannibal Lecter. Yum, the delicious taste of duplicity.
Harry #Traitors pic.twitter.com/LxpIX0dAR9
— Noriko Homma 💙 (@Noriko_Homma) January 3, 2024
9 Diane’s air punch when Sonja was banished
What. Was. That? She’s a terrifying opponent but her tendency towards bonkersness could prove Detective Diane’s undoing.
10 Those we have lost
We’ve waved goodbye to three players so far. Dapper Aubrey, 67 – proud owner of a cat called Luther Vandross (never too much) – boasted about his astute observation skills once too often and was first to be murdered. Sonja, 66, planned to knit her way to the final but her mischievous humour led to a reputation for stirring the pot and she was banished.
This meant the two oldest contestants were culled first. Any accusations of ageism were thankfully avoided by the joint youngest, outspoken 21-year-old apprentice economist Kyra, being murdered next. In this game, age ain’t nothing but a number.
Scores on the castle doors
Best traitor: Paul has elected himself leader of the pack, but it’s recruit Miles who’s flying furthest under the radar.
Best faithful: Early days, but I’m partial to Jasmine and Jonny. You?
Quote of the week: “But Ross is.”
Winkleman wardrobe watch: A fabulous feast of tweed and tartan, but those red leather fingerless gloves take the crown.
Prize pot: After three missions (beacon, birds, scarecrows), the fund stands at £27,000 out of a possible £31,000.
Body count: For now, the four traitors remain at full strength. Faithfuls are three down, leaving them with 15 out of 18.
The Traitors is on BBC One tonight at 9pm.
Who’s next for the chop? Who are you rating and hating? Please let us know in the comments below and see you back here next Wednesday to analyse all the week two action. In the meantime, stay faithful.
