Late-night hosts discuss Donald Trump’s photo op at McDonald’s and his long-winded comments on Arnold Palmer’s penis size as election day looms.
The Daily Show
With just two weeks before the presidential election, “we have officially entered into the fever dream portion of the campaign,” said Jon Stewart during his Monday night slot on The Daily Show. “Right is left, up is down, the Republican nominee is hanging out at a Bronx barber’s shop, while the Democratic is hosting some sort of book club with Liz Cheney. What the fuck?!”
“It is so surreal,” he added. “This campaign cannot get any weirder.” And the “absurdity-outrage cycle reached its apex” this weekend at a Trump campaign stop in Pennsylvania, where the former president went on a long-winded tangent about the golfer Arnold Palmer’s penis size. “Arnold Palmer was all man,” Trump remarked. “When he took showers with other pros, they came out of there – they said, ‘Oh my God. That’s unbelievable.’”
And in a separate interview, Trump said ominously: “We have the outside enemy, and then we have the enemy from within. And the enemy from within, in my opinion, is more dangerous than Russia, China, all these countries.”
“That’s not fun-loving and mischievous,” said Stewart. “That sounded quite threatening. That’s actually worthy of some real examination.” Trump later clarified that he believed Nancy Pelosi, the former speaker of the House, was part of the “enemy from within”, and yet Republicans tried to spin the message as non-threatening. Stewart showed a clip of the Florida congressman Mike Waltz insisting that the media was just “connecting some dots” that weren’t there.
“It’s exactly what he said. Not dots. Words,” Stewart replied. “This is what gets us to the ultimate problem,” he added. “Is any of the shit Trump says real? How are we supposed to understand what’s bullshit and what isn’t?” Stewart asked.
“Remember that day he tried to overthrow the government?” he continued, referring to 6 January 2021. “And I know it didn’t work, but ‘attempted murder’ isn’t the same thing as ‘never tried the murder’.
“So we are left with this surreal idea that somehow Trump’s absurdity renders him benign,” he concluded. “We dismiss his threats because of how much fun he has expounding on the length, width and girth of Arnold Palmer’s cock.”
Stephen Colbert
A year-plus into the presidential campaign, “we are nearing the end. Also close to election day,” Stephen Colbert quipped on Monday’s Late Show. With 14 days left until election day, “that’s enough time for three psychotic breakdowns and a public pants crapping,” he added, “but his supporters will probably love him anyway.”
Colbert dug right into Trump’s musing about Palmer’s genitalia at his rally, in which he claimed other golfers ogled at Palmer in the shower. “There’s a lot of crazy to unpack here,” he said. “But what stands out to me is the idea that professional golfers take group showers. It’s an individual sport, not a team! You really think that Arnold Palmer, at the height of his career, was soapin’ it up at the Y?”
Not everyone was impressed by the story; Palmer’s daughter, Peg Palmer Wears, told ABC News on Monday that she thought the comments were “a poor choice of approaches to remembering my father”.
“No one wants to hear that about their dad!” said Colbert.
In a similar vein, Trump tried to engage with customers at a McDonald’s, where he was “working” as part of a photo op, by asking: “How did you produce those good looking kids?”
“How did you produce those kids? Is that an appropriate question?” Colbert lauged. “If you’re going to ask how kids are made, you don’t go to a McDonald’s. You go to In-N-Out.
“No surprise, the man who’s never had an actual job in his life did not actually work at McDonald’s,” Colbert added. The half-hour photo-op was at a McDonald’s that was closed to the public, as Trump served a handful of meals to pre-selected supporters. “He’s not the common man!” Colbert exclaimed. “This is all just blue-collar drag, but with more make-up.”
Seth Meyers
And on Late Night, Seth Meyers also reacted to Trump’s comments on Arnold Palmer. “Republicans, is this what you mean when you say Donald Trump has a plan? Because the only plan I can make out here is a plan to bore the shit out of his audience,” he said.
“I mean, no wonder people leave his rallies early,” he continued. “After the first minute of that story, everyone in the crowd started looking at their phones googling ‘can you get a refund for free rally tickets.’”
Trump digressed on Palmer for more than 12 minutes. “Your story is bad, and long, and doesn’t make any sense,” said Meyers. “Seriously, man, if you want a podcast, I’m sure somebody will give you a podcast and you can tell these stories to whoever wants to hear them, but they can also fold their laundry while they’re listening.
“So with just two weeks before election day, voters have a choice,” he added. “On the one hand, you have Kamala Harris’s plan to stop price-gouging, lower prescription drug costs, mandate coverage of eldercare and give money to the parents of newborns and first-time homeowners. And on the other hand, you have Donald Trump’s plant to let everyone know that Arnold Palmer had a big old doggie dick.”
