John Torode has revealed he is undergoing therapy to help manage the “grief” of losing his role on MasterChef.
The 60-year-old had fronted the BBC series for 20 years before being dismissed following an allegation that he had used racist language, a claim he denies.
The complaint emerged during a wide-ranging legal review into conduct on the programme, prompted by multiple allegations against his co-host Gregg Wallace.
An independent report upheld 45 allegations about Wallace’s behaviour, including inappropriate and sexually explicit comments, three instances of “being in a state of undress”, one case of unwanted physical contact, as well as bullying and making culturally insensitive remarks.
Torode later faced an accusation that he had used the n-word at after-show drinks in 2018.
Writing in his newsletter, A View From the Fridge, which was seen by The Sun, he said therapy had allowed him to stop “being brave” and instead “be real” about the fallout.
“Therapy over the past few months has entitled me to no longer ‘be brave’ but instead be real,” it reads. “Fear is the instinct that keeps us alive, but should grief and fear meet each other I wonder how much damage it can do when we decide to shut it away, shut it down and not let it flow as it should.
“I have tried to set myself a schedule to write a new newsletter each week, finding a rhythm, in my tumultuous physical, illogical and physiological state of mind, has not been easy.
“What is becoming easier is being able to talk and to vocalise how I feel as I come to terms with the past five months and the impact it has had.
“Life has changed for ever for me and for those close to me. There is no sympathy searching here, just honesty.”
He added: “Each newsletter, I get a little braver. Over the past few months, I have been honest, following on from what was a very unexpected and brutal life change.
“So, thank you for supporting my newsletter and allowing me to get it out.”
Torode also mentioned a recent trip to Qatar, where he stayed at luxury desert retreat The Outpost Al Barari.
The chef has consistently denied the racism allegation, saying: “I have absolutely no recollection of any of this, and I do not believe that it happened.
“However, I want to be clear that I’ve always had the view that any racial language is wholly unacceptable in any environment. I am shocked and saddened by the allegation, as I would never wish to cause anyone any offence.”
