TV star and former EastEnders actor Joe Swash has revealed he fell into 'dark depression' and a mental health battle, whilst fighting a three year custody battle for eldest son Harry.
Joe, 40, has credited new wife Stacey Solomon, 33, as "an angel" that saved him from some of his darkest moments.
One of such moments was his three-year custody battle with former fiancée Emma after they welcomed their son Harry in 2007. As a result, Joe found himself hiding away including avoiding phone calls from family.
He admitted that he feel's "guilty" about how happy he is with his life now with Stacey as there have been years when he had "a lot of grief and went through a long depression.
"I’d sort of given up on ever having a family and all this love," he told Fabulous magazine. "When the cameras were off, I was in a mess. I’d shut myself in my flat and not talk to anyone. I wouldn’t answer the phone, even though I knew my mum was really anxious about me.”
The custody battle on new dad Joe particularly took its toll, after Joe reflected on the loss of his dad when he was just 11.
Joe's dad died of heart failure, which Joe describes as a trauma after remembering the screaming from his parents bedroom followed by an ambulance trip.
After his father's death, Joe admits he 'bottled up' his grief and it was something that affected him later in life whilst fighting his bitter custody battle for son Harry.
It was meeting wife Stacey that helped Joe see the positive side of life. The pair first met in 2010 when she was a contestant on ITV's I’m A Celebrity!. Yet it took until six years later for the pair to get together.
The star admits: "I truly believe Stacey was an angel sent to me by my dad to bring me out of real darkness in my life. If I hadn’t met her, everything would have been very different. I don’t know what would have happened to me."
He added: "She’s so funny, so real and so lovely. I know she was sent to me. I knew it when I met her. I knew she was the only woman for me."
The pair wed earlier this year, in an intimate ceremony at their home 'Pickle Cottage'. The pair share two children together - Rose, 11 months, and Rex, 2 - as well as two boys from Stacey's previous relationship and Joe's 15-year-old son Harry.
However, Joe isn't content with just five kids at Pickle Cottage and would be open to adding to the family. He revealed: "Having kids is addictive. I love it. I love being a dad and a husband. If I can be half what my dad was to us as a family, then I’d be happy. And I’m never going to say never to more kids. Let’s see what happens."
