I am going to lead this TV preview with two of the most controversial statements I have ever made in my career. Hold on to your hats, or … horses. Hold on to something. Statement No 1: I don’t really think we should be pumping sewage into the sea, or the waterways. “Oh, it’s actually all right,” you, a bigwig water boss, keep trying to explain to me in a patronising voice. “It’s not fully raw sewage. It’s been treated a bit. Stop swimming in the sea if you have a problem with it.” No, thanks, actually! I don’t think we should be pumping sewage slurry into the water round our island! Although I do think both the action (pumping sewage into the sea) and the reaction (broadly doing nothing and saying nothing) is, arguably, one of the sharpest analogies for the state of the British psyche that we currently have. Don’t kick up a fuss about the sea sewage, please! It’s rude. The water companies’ profits might be hurt.
Statement No 2: I don’t think it should be the job of Joe Lycett to have to do something about it. This is not in any way a slur on Lycett – whose career I’ve enjoyed for a long time and whose recent Channel 4 popularity glow-up has been hugely entertaining and also a joy to see – it’s just more a question of sheer logistics and the current state of British politics. This feels like a job for MPs, doesn’t it? This feels like the whole reason governments and councils and stuff exist. To stop things happening like sewage being pumped into the sea. No? All right fine, no. You’re right, the host of Travel Man should definitely be dealing with it instead. Maybe after this John Bishop can run the RNLI.
